Saturday, April 5, 2014

Struggling. August 6, 2013

I don’t know where my motivation has gone these days.  I feel like this battle for goal is getting farther and farther away.  I’ve been fighting these last 8 pounds for months and months and am feeling like I’m ready to throw the towel in!
This goal weight business sucks!!!  Really, I’m there.  I’m 168 pounds.  I’m not 250 pounds anymore!  I’ve already scored!  Can’t that count for anything???  Fighting to lose the last few may derail me!  And for the first time in this journey, I’m starting to think I will fail.
I have to be totally on plan, no treats, no salt and not “too much” exercise to lose anything.  If I have anything salty,If I have any treats, If I have a heavy day at the gym, I gain or stay the same.  Fricking crazy!!!  This balance between living life and losing weight is just not happening anymore and I don’t think can keep doing it.
I’ve made an appointment to speak with my doctor again about it.  The last time I spoke to her was in April.  Her and I had set my goal weight at 160 pounds. And I’m no closer to it now than I was then.    I’m not sure what I’m going there for, I guess to hear her say it’s ok for me to be at this weight, maybe give me a letter saying 168 is my goal weight for weight watchers, then try to maintain that for a while.  Maybe I just need her to tell me that yes I do need to lose more weight and to get my head out of my ass and just do it all-freakin-ready!
Weigh in was tonight and surprise surprise, I had a couple of treats over the long weekend and I’m up.  1 pound.  Deserved I guess but I was seriously so good all week!  Then the weekend comes, I have a few treats, lots of exercise, and I’m up.  I guess I need to swear off everything and eat rabbit pellets (really I won’t, but honestly!!!)
Well, when I do get to the maintenance phase at least I know I can maintain!  I’ve been doing it since February!!!

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