Thursday, April 25, 2013

Highs and lows

I had one of those days today

First off I didn't sleep well. I had a nightmare. My hubby and I and the kids were in a warehouse type store Christmas shopping. We were walking out and out of the corner of my eye I saw a man take Lara's (my oldest) hand. Tom grabbed her and I turned round and realized Zaryah was missing. I woke up shortly after that. I woke at 2:30 and needed to distract myself from bad thoughts (you know where your mind goes after dreams like these!) and I didn't eat back to sleep for an hour!  Then I woke again at 4:30 to pee, then again at 6:15 for no reason, then I managed to go back to sleep until my alarm woke me up at 6:45.

Work was busy but good. I only have 2.5 more shifts until I'm off for my surgery and between trying to fit patients in before I go and trying to organize everything and tie up loose ends, I don't have a lot of time to dawdle!

We went out for lunch today on the doctors tab for staff appreciation day!  Out for sushi!  Now I've never been a fan of sushi. Well, I had one piece at the mandarin a couple of years ago and it was gross. So I figured it wasn't for me.

My husband loves sushi, as do many of my family. So I really wanted to give it another try (that and it's really low in points!  What a perfect opportunity!  I had no idea what I was doing. Thankfully one of our doctors took over and ordered a crap load of different things!  I tried pretty much everything, all except the ones with avocado, I know I'm not a fan of avocado!  Believe it or not I really enjoyed it!  My favourites were cooked eel teriyaki and sushi pizza with raw salmon on it!

It's safe to say I like it now. My hubby will be very happy!

I had a not so great visit with my mom tonight. She's been moved to "Complex continuing care". Where my Dad was for 12 years. Yesterday she was able to hold a conversation with me. Today, she was more in her hallucinations than she was in the real world. It's hard watching her come and go like that. We can only pray that the fact that the bad days are getting further apart is a promise that she'll come back to us eventually.

After getting home, we were able to have a Skype visit with Tom!  So that made me feel better. I miss him greatly and I can hardly wait until he gets back!  Only 4 more sleeps!

Even with all that's groin on, I'm still on plan. My great loss on Tuesday really kicked my butt!  Here's to a quick loss of the last 6 pounds!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Burning the candle at 3 ends

Life is definitely stressful right now!

 Tom is in Honduras, he left last Thursday morning, so I've been a single mom with a full time job, with an ailing parent and spring cleaning before the big surgery!

No surprise when I hopped on the scale and saw a 3.2 pound loss!  That leaves only 6 pounds to goal!  Thankfully I had a food plan for when Tom was gone and  stuck to it. I don't think I would have fared well without the freezer full of pre-made meals!

I'm definitely on plan. Tracking, getting in my good health guidelines and drinking my water. I really want to be on my "A" game when I'm off having surgery. The last thing I want to do is gravitate towards comfort foods!

It's been hard with Tom gone. I give lots of credit to single parents'. This job isn't for me!  I definitely prefer having my partner in crime to share the load!  The kids have been good, but we all get tired out and cranky easily. Lara has had some separation anxiety the past couple of days. That's been a struggle. Thankfully we finally got to Skype with Daddo tonight!  Hopefully that helped some. It certainly helped me!

Speaking of doing double duty, I managed to type this all out with my right hand (I'm a lefty) while cuddling with Zaryah watching a show before bedtime!  I'm super mom!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Struggling... kinda...

Let me say first off, that I am just devastated hearing about the bombing at the Boston Marathon. It baffles me that someone would target such an innocent event. My prayers go out to those affected :(

I seriously have no momentum right now in the weight loss department. I have 9 pounds to lose. You'd thing that I'd be doing just about anything to get there. I want it.  But I just can't seem to keep it together.  On the 100+ pounds to lose message board, I lead a daily thread called 100 days of tracking.  Today I mentioned that I wasn't expecting much at the scale tonight.

One response was

    " Eva, I have heard you talk about a red satin coat and let me just say I think it must have a big "S"     on the back for Superwoman/mom/friend/nurse/wife.... "

Another was,

     "Eva whatever the scale says you know some of that is stress related. Stress adds water retention so keep that in mind."

My friends on there really take care of me :). I really am under a lot of stress right now. And as much as I'd like to think I can handle it, it is affecting me. My resolve is shaky.  My willpower is paper thin. The temptation to choose comfort foods over healthy foods is great. And that's ok. These events are fleeting and I'll get through it. 

Weigh in tonight netted me a 0.2 lb gain. No big deal. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Freezer meals

I got up around 7:30 and spent most of the day cooking. I'm hoping that if I have pre-portioned meals ready and waiting for me, I won't be tempted to just do take out instead of cooking for myself and the girls while Tom's away. Hopefully it'll help us out while I'm recuperating from surgery too.

I made 44 meals worth of food today!  Potato soup, lasagna, spinach and ricotta canneloni and shepherds pie. The house smelled so good!

I'll be adding to it this week too.  The big bag of tomato sauce will turn into something, I'm making chicken stroganoff tomorrow in the crock pot, then sometime this week I'm going to make crock pot chicken quesadilla filling (it makes a MEAN taco salad!).

Over the 12 days that Tom is gone, I'm planning to get this house in tip top shape. As I won't be able to lift anything heavier than a bottle of water for 6 weeks, Everything needs to be in order so I won't be tempted :). We'll see how far I get with that, lol!  Maybe I'm a bit ambitious!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Planning ahead

Tom leaves for Honduras this coming Thursday and will be gone for 12 days. When he gets back we'll have 2 days together then I have my breast reduction surgery. Life is hectic right now with trying to get everything sorted before he leaves, work is crazy as I try to settle everything before I'm off for the better part of the month, and my mom is still in the hospital, not getting much better.

I have Ten thousand thoughts going through my head at any given moment.

Thankfully we got some stuff crossed off the list today.  Toms packing list is complete, we've picked up everything he needs, I found a front closure sports bra (not as easy as it sounds!) and planned out and bought groceries for a bunch of freezer meals.  Tomorrow will be full of cooking and I'll feel much more prepared for the challenging few weeks ahead.

I'm still on plan and tracking. Now that I've picked a goal weight and I'm so close to it, I don't want to do anything to sabotage getting there soon!

Oh. I went to Value Village and bought a nice burgundy roots sweater in a medium!  A WOMEN'S MEDIUM!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Goal weight update

I had my doctors appointment today to discuss the weight watchers BMI rule, where I am right now and what my doctor thinks I should be weight wise.

Weight watchers says I need to choose a goal within the BMI for my height. For me this would be 146 lbs. this doesn't take into account muscle, bone density or structure.

I'm feeling close to goal. Besides my dangly boobs and stomach skin, I'm  happy with how I look. My arms and legs are skinny and muscular. My butt is non-existent.  No really. When I sit down in the bathtub, it's tailbone on porcelain!  My double chin is gone, my back fat is gone and my hands look tiny. My husband even said he thinks I'm where I should be!

My doctor thinks the BMI is unrealistic. She thinks if I aim for that I'd end up looking malnourished. With the extra skin hanging around my middle, she thinks I should be around 160. She she wrote me a Drs note!

Weigh in was today too. I went early to the meeting and spoke with Sue, our leader. She said she was actually thinking of talking to me about this and thought herself that the BMI was unrealistic for me. That made me feel much better!  I felt a little like I was cheating going in there with a "the doctor said so" note!  I'm glad she agrees!  So now my official goal weight is 160 pounds!  And with a loss of 0.2 lbs today, that's only 9 pounds away!

I was pretty impressed that I was down this week!  With mom being hospitalized for the past 2 weeks and my life being so chaotic, a week ago I was up 5 pounds on the home scale. So with deciding not to track and just focus on power foods and doing my best to eat healthy, I managed to lose all I'd gained!  I'm actually pretty proud of myself for that!

A new development in the "Car accident story line" from November. My insurance adjuster called and with the money left in my claim, she offered to pay for a year long gym membership "to keep me at a functional level where I finished off with physio". So guess who's going to the gym again!  My office is in a superstore and there is a Goodlife Fitness Women's only gym there and a couple of the girls I work with go on lunch, so I figured I could join the pack!  It's free, why not!  I even get 6 sessions with a personal trainer to put together a plan :)

Mom is still in the hospital, she ended up having a stroke while there and Hasn't been doing well.  Today we noticed a bit of improvement, but we don't think she'll get back to where she was. So prayers and good thoughts are much appreciated!

Friday, April 5, 2013

My beautiful Zaryah is TWO!!!

Yesterday was Zaryah's 2nd birthday!  She started it off with a bang too!  She woke up shortly after midnight screaming, took an hour and a half to settle and get back to bed, then she woke again screaming at 3:30 and was up for an hour then.  I dragged my butt out of bed at 7:15 and managed to get to work on time with a lunch box full of healthy :)

This was our first happy birthday picture.  At 1:30 am.  Once she stopped screaming.  Pardon my messy hair and smudged mascara...

I can't believe she's two already!  Whenever she hears the word birthday, she yells "I two!" and attempts to stick up two fingers. :). With mom sick and us going back and forth between home, work, school and hospital, we had a quick celebration at home for her special day.

She had spaghetti for dinner and chocolate cake for dessert!

A pro at blowing out the candles!  We relit it a half a dozen times!

She didn't care that it was a store bought cake. I'll make a cool one for the family party.

She got a new scooter from Mama and Daddo, she looks so teeny!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Lots going on

I'm sorry for the lack of posts (again).  Things have been hectic here.

On Wednesday last week my mom (who lives with us) had a stroke, thankfully when my husband was home.  She's been in the hospital since, it's been a roller coaster!

My diet hasn't been great and the stress level is up to my ears!  I didn't even get to Weight Watchers yesterday.  So needless to say, I haven't had time to blog!  I'm trying to keep it together, most of my issues are because we haven't had time to grocery shop, which I'll do before I

With the bad, there is some good though, I have a date!  My breast reduction is booked for May 2nd!  OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan) approved me for the surgery!  This is a big thing, up until recently, they would never have approved me because of my weight.  Now they didn't batt an eye at approving me!

The surgery is about 2.5 days after Tom gets back from Honduras!  So We'll have a couple of days between before things get hectic again.

Now starts the whirlwind of arranging time off, babysitters, pre-op appointments etc...  I'll be taking most of May off, my first day back to work will be May 21st.