Friday, December 30, 2011

So not hungry today

I'm usually up on everything points related but today I've not had much of an appetite and skipped lunch without even realizing it!  It's now dinner and I have 19 points left for the day!!!  There is no way I'm going to eat all of that.  I made dinner, Turkey stuffed peppers (without the peppers). Lazy.  I'll have my veggies in a bit.  I only ate half of dinner, not interested in the rest of it.  Oh well.  Tom gave me a rye and ginger.  That should se up some points anyways...

Reflecting on 2011. December 28th 2011

The first 10 months of the year were focused on being pregnant and recovering from that. So this blog is going to focus more on my weight loss achievements for the last 2 months of the year. I've lost 20 pounds and 9 inches since Oct 11th 2011! 

My secrets to success this time are:

1. Tracking! Religiously! Everything I eat gets tracked. Even the cheats. I'm only lying to myself. Having the iphone app is a huge plus as well!

2. Everything is about points, I use the recipe builder for every meal that I make. It's really an awesome thing! I'm really good at lowering the points values of recipes and most of the time my family doesn't even notice! 

3. Portion control. I measure everything. Right down to the milk in my coffee (if I have 3 coffee's it's a whole serving of dairy! I like a lot of milk in my coffee) and the brown sugar in my oatmeal.

4. Exercise. I try to get 30 minutes of something everyday. Or at least an hour on the treadmill 3 times a week. WW's has figured out that I should be earning 14 activity points a week. Only 2 points a day. I got a WW's pedometer that tracks activity points in my stocking. I'm already half way to a point and all I did was clean up some! 

5. I have the right mindset. This is my second attempt at WW's, last time I lost 15 pounds in 8 months and gave up. Baby #2 was in the back of my mind and I knew I would just gain the weight back again. I was half hearted in my attempt at weight loss. This time, we are done having kids (baby #2 is 8 months old :) and I want to be healthy for them growing up. I know if I keep on track I'll get there faster!

6. I have a great support system. My hubby is my cheering section and I discuss everything with him. Even down to what I weigh, every mini goal, every non-scale victory, every gain and even when I fall off the wagon. He helps me climb right back up. My sister is also doing weight watchers with me. It's nice to have someone to go to meeting with.

7. Try new foods. I've really used the find and explore section of this website! A few new favorites are from here! I got a new recipe book called "Eat this, not that" that gives restaurant examples and recipes that compare but are much healthier. I'm looking forward to some good food there!

8. Attend meetings, not just weigh in. For me it's a new start every week. Every week I have something to work towards and it keeps me accountable. Even if it's just the fact of not wanting to be embarrassed if I gain weight instead of losing it that keeps me going! My sister and I are pretty vocal in the meetings too :).

9. Accept that little loses add up to a big loss over time. I celebrate every 0.2 pounds lost and speak up at meetings about it. I get a Bravo sticker at the meeting every week that I'm down. I have 9 of them already and I've only been going for 11 weeks :) Not too shabby!

10. In times where I've not done so well. I accept it as a failure and move right on. One bad meal, day, week does not mean I have to quit. Just get back on plan. Tomorrow is a new day and a whole new set of points :).

Eleven weeks down! December 27th 2011

I'm down 0.8 pounds.

I'm happy with that.  I indulged but I made sure it was worth it and not just eating anything.  So I enjoyed my alcohol, shortbread, mississippi mud pie, gravy, turkey skin etc... So that 0.8 pounds was worth it to me!  Now I'm back on the wagon following plan to the letter!

Scratch that! I enjoyed Christmas! December 26th 2011

I just read my last blog. Written about 3 weeks ago. Ya right! I decided that I was not on a diet and I shouldn't have to deprive myself this time of the year. I didn't go hog wild, but I didn't track either. I did drink alcohol, 4 pints of strongbow at the bar on friday night. I did eat finger foods at a family gathering on Christmas Eve and ate snacks at Disney on Ice with my 2 year old daughter. Christmas day, I had a big breakfast, ate lots of veggies with my mother-in-laws amazing (full of fat) veggie dip, plus more alcohol. I was not very hungry for dinner yesterday, so I had some veggies and turkey (with gravy) and very little mashed potatoes. No dessert. 

After all of the **** I've had over the last 3 days, I feel bloated. I weighed myself this morning and I'm up. I'm ok with that. If this is going to be a long term thing, I'm going to have to allow myself to indulge every once in a while! I love the appetizers and the desserts and the alcohol, the big dinner and the chocolates in my stocking! I'm not going to give that all up for the rest of my life! So I ate and ate and ate. Now (after one more family celebration this evening), I'm going to climb back on the wagon and keep going. Without guilt over the weight gained at tomorrow's weigh-in. It'll come off next week once my body recovers from the shock!

Back to the beginning of my blog, I've not had time to blog about the past weeks achievements! I've been running ragged getting ready for Christmas!

At the beginning of december I stopped breastfeeding my baby girl. my daily points went down by 7 and I gained 0.4 pounds that week. The next week I was down 4 pounds! Once my body was over the shock of stopping breastfeeding all was well! Then last week, I wasn't able to exercise as much so I was only down 0.8. Over all my December total will still be in the negative category so I'm happy the way it's turning out. 

Merry Christmas everyone! Here's to having a good time then getting back on the wagon. Just as we should be doing. Living! Not just dieting!

Yesterday! December 11th 2011

Yesterday was a big day for me. I'd been planning for days for this day. My first Christmas dinner of the season! I've been OP all week and the scale looks promising so far, so I didn't want to ruin it! 

I had oatmeal and fruit for breakfast and drank a lot of water. Went out with my sister shopping and had a skinny cinnamon dolce creme from Starbucks (yum!) then had fast food for lunch. We walked into Mr Greek thinking it'd be easy to track. Before getting in line we pulled out our iphones and looked up the restaurant on the Weight Watchers app. Holy cow! Then we walked out and went to subway and ate sensibly! Major victory for both of us there! 

I came home and had another snack then we went to our friends. There was fun, there was food, there was alcohol. I brought a bottle of sparkling cranberry water for myself to drink and everyone there knows I'm on weight watchers and doing well so I didn't feel I had to hide anything. I avoided all the appy's and loaded my dinner plate with veggies and a good portion of ham and turkey breast. I did have a small serving of mashed potatoes and gravy and a little bit of dessert that I shared with my daughter. One thing that helped me to not overeat, my 8 month old was crabby and needed to be held, so my hubby and I took turns eating, once I was satisfied I just kept the baby and let him eat. First time in a long time I wasn't totally stuffed and aching after turkey dinner!

This morning I stepped on the scale like I always do and I'm down from yesterday!

Success! Yay me! Now I'm empowered to follow the same plan at my next 2 Christmas dinners, Christmas day and Boxing day. Post Christmas weigh-in is December 27th (boo) and I so don't want to gain! Especially since I've worked so **** hard this season!

Eight and a half weeks down, lol! December 10th 2011

I neglected to post after my weigh in this past week. Not really for any good reason, just didn't fit it in.

I gained 0.4 lbs. Now my total loss is 15.8 pounds. I've been OP as usual, but with a few big changes in the past week I wasn't surprised to see the increase. I was upset for a moment that my 1 plus pounds a week loss streak was over, but life goes on. 3 really big things affected my losing this week. I stopped breast feeding altogether, which I'm sure threw my system for a loop, this in turn dropped my DP's by 7 points, I'm sure my system went into shock over that! And I threw my bak out. Again. That stopped the exercise in it's tracks and as in any injury, swelling at the site is inevitable. So, 0.4 pound gain. 

No worries, I've continued on plan this week, my back is feeling better mostly, and in my daily trips to the scale (don't judge) I'm down a good 2 pounds so far this week!

Tonight I have the first of 3 turkey dinners and I'm planning on filling my plate with a ton of veggies, a good serving of turkey and a little bit of potatoes. I'm going to have dessert, but a small piece and share it with my daughter. 

Well, off to go Christmas shopping! With no kids! Woo hoo!

Seven weeks down! November 29th 2011

Well it's been a tough week for me. 

Emotionally it's been tough, lots of stress in my life, my faith in myself going down, stress makes me lose it! My motivation took a nose dive a couple of times! I nearly lost it! I still stuck to it though, motivation or not, my determination is still there. I have made a deal with myself. I want to keep up my momentum! 
Every loss at the meeting I speak up and get a bravo sticker. I want to keep that going! 7 weeks down, 7 bravo stickers! I don't want to fall off the wagon while I'm on a roll! I keep telling myself. "Those points you would be wasting on that **** imagine the awesome cheesecake you can have with those points!" Why would I waste so many points on something mediocre? When I could have cheesecake? Of course, I don't eat the **** but I don't eat the cheesecake either, lol! 

Physically I've been struggling as well. I have chronic pain in my knees and ankle and pelvis injuries from a fall 3 years ago that limit my mobility severely. I want to exercise but my body betrays me! I break a sweat and then I have to stop because of pain. It really sucks! And does a number on my motivation! I have to keep telling myself that with the weight off, I'll feel better. Oh God I hope so! Cuz right now this sucks! 

I did discover that I like the Just Dance Wii game today :) I knocked off the magnet to the treadmill while walking and it fell and rolled under the treadmill! Couldn't reach it! So instead of finishing my workout after 15 minutes, I turned the Wii on and my daughter and I danced our little butts off! It was actually a lot of fun! And I danced for half an hour, sweating like crazy! 

Oh and with all the stress and lack of motivation this week, I still lost 1.8 pounds! For a total of 16.2 pounds!

Six weeks down! November 23rd 2011

Oh, I lost 1.2 pounds this week for a total of 14.4 pounds down!

Slow and steady wins the race! November 23rd 2011

I keep expecting a big loss at the scale every week and every week I walk away with a pound lost, 1.2 lost, 1.4 lost etc... I am breastfeeding and I'm supposed to limit my weight loss to a pound a week, but don't you think a nice 2 or 3 pound loss every once in a while would be ok? This one a week thing is getting me kind of down. My husband is a real motivator for me however, and he makes me feel good about those 14.4 pounds lost in 6 weeks (!!!) I should be proud of! I just wish I was there already, I still have at least 100 pounds to lose and I have a goal for myself to be down 50 pounds by the time I go back to work at the end of April! With only 21 weeks to go I need an average of 1.7 pounds a week. Don't think I'm going to get there without a couple of really good weeks along the way...

I really have to gloat again about my husband, I really couldn't have done any better for support. He knows exactly what to say to make me feel beautiful, praises me for every pound lost, he's so gung-ho about healthy eating and can give me a good stern look when I'm about to cheat and suggests a healthier alternative. He even scopes out healthier places to eat out when were out running around. I love him so much!

Exercise frustration! November 18th 2011

I'm really frustrated with my body! Almost 3 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest daughter I fell down the stairs, fractured my pelvis and tore ligaments in my ankle. I also have had knee surgery on one knee for torn cartilage. I've been dealing with chronic pain for ever and am on a daily med routine to keep it at bay. 

I'm trying to lose weight and get active but my body is betraying me! I have a treadmill and walking on it does nothing so I'm trying running, just short little sprints every couple minutes to get my heartrate up. I can do this for about 20 minutes my heart and soul want to keep going, but pain and the fear of hurting something further make me stop.

I'm so motivated to exercise but my body just isn't in it! I want to run on the treadmill, I want to get sweaty and have 30 AP's a week. We scraped up our pennies to buy a used but really good treadmill, really scraped, I'm on mat leave (E.I. gives you nothing), my hubby is in school and bringing in no money, we don't have anything left over for a gym membership. We worked the last election just so we could do it. So this needs to work! 

How can I be so motivated but my body is making me fail so miserably! Will this get better over time? Or am I just damaging myself further by trying to be active? Is there something else I can do on the treadmill?

Ugh I'm so frustrated!

Five weeks down! November 16th 2011

I forgot to blog this weeks weight loss!

Well I'm down 1.4 this week for a total of 13.2!

I was hoping to lose at least 1.6 (to get out of the 240's), well I'll be able to celebrate that next week...

Motivation slipping away... I need some uplifting words people! November 15th 2011

I've been doing really really well this past week and I am down according to my own scale, but yesterday was an off day and I did slip into old habits for a little while. Not badly, but enough for my motivation to take a nosedive! 

I woke up thinking about the cottage cheese that was in my fridge. Put some eggs on to hard boil and started slicing up an apple. Went to get the cottage cheese out and I couldn't find it! Turns out my hubby (who will eat cottage cheese until the cows go home) finished it off last night. I bought 2 huge containers mid week last week and I only got 1/2 a cup out of the lot! I know, not a big deal, but I was disappointed! 

Then we went to Tim Horton's/wendy's, so I took a look online at their nutrition calculators. It was a real eye opener! I'm not a big fan of timmy's food, and I know they aren't points friendly, so I looked at Wendy's. I looked at their meal salads and they were HALF OF MY DAILY POINTS! So I nixed that. Chicken nuggets were a few points for 5, and I knew a baked potato and sour cream wasn't so bad, so when we got there that's what I told hubby to get me, plus a side garden salad with low fat italian dressing. Not so bad. Except he bought me a 10 pack of nuggets. Not a 5 pack. I shared with my 2 year old, who didn't eat any. I ended up eating all 10 of them. Not good. 

Then I made Turkey stuffed peppers, pretty points friendly, but they were so good that I had 2 of them. Then a third!!! 

I know I didn't slip off the wagon, I stayed OP. But Up until now I've been so conscientious! And not batting an eye at temptation. I'm so down about it today and I weigh in tonight. It's taking all I have to not stuff my face today. 


I really can't let this get me. I'm going to go run on the treadmill while the baby sleeps. Maybe I'll get out of my funk.

My wonderful husband! November 13th 2011

I promised a husband post, so here it is!

I have to say, having a husband that lives for you makes everything easier. He married me when I was at my heaviest and has always called me beautiful. He's supportive in my weight-loss always saying he loves me whatever size but wants me to be happy in my own skin too. He's jumped on board the healthy eating wagon with gusto. He's a great cook so we've been experimenting with new recipes and methods of cooking. It's really easy eating healthy in our house now! He made it a smooth transition. I go to WW's meetings every Tuesday and he celebrates every weight-loss. It's amazing how easy this is because of him!

My husband and I met in 1987. I was 8 and he was 7. He was that kid that chased me around the playground (I hate to admit, my mom was right! He did pick on me because he liked me!). We went to different high schools but hung around the same circle of friends in town. We always went to each others parties, went to movies together. He'd bring me coffee at work. He also was a partier and was known as a player, he dated all of my friends. He'd proposition me, but I was adamant I wouldn't date him, he wasn't my type (yes, I'm eating my words). He hated ALL of my boyfriends. We went different ways through college, I got very busy as a Nurse, got a job in the city and moved away.

I moved home after my Mom had a stroke in 2007. Tom was single again and I met him at our local Karaoke hangout just like old times again! Tom was working at the local Volkswagon dealership and looked good. We got into a deep conversation about what we wanted out of life, he was tired of being seen as a player, bored of partying and was ready to settle down. He wanted kids and a wife and a life worth living for! He then proposed marriage! Saying he'd loved me for forever and wanted me to just try it with him! I said no to marriage but my eyes opened to this new man in front of me! I had no idea who my old friend was! Nor had I any idea that he was in love with me this whole time! Something in me told me I needed to give him a chance this time and we went out on a date the next week. The rest is history! We've not been apart since! We got married in June 2010 and have 2 beautiful girls who are 2 1/2 and 7 months!

Four weeks down! November 8th 2011

Well the week went a bit rocky about half way through, looking at the daily weight's go up instead of down! I know, I know, I shouldn't be weighing daily, but past experiences being what they were, if I don't watch the numbers and go a while between weigh-in's, I typically gain 5 lbs or more!

I decided to look at what I've been doing. I haven't stepped an inch out of line, no cheating what so ever. I have had a few bowls of soup and a great slow cooker picnic roast that was pretty salty, maybe that was doing it? Too much sodium? K nix the sodium. I've also been having trouble eating all of points, typically having 8-12 points leftover at the end of the day, maybe that wasn't helping either!

So I did what any good Etools user would do, I went to the community and asked what I should do about those extra points! I got some great ideas and have been meeting my points the past 2 days! 

The result? Down 1.6 pounds this week! Yes! 

My goal for this week is to EAT MY POINTS! to get my 5% star :) (only 0.6 pounds away) and to get out of the 240's! Let's go!

Post halloween weigh in. 3 weeks down! November 2nd 2011

Yesterday was weigh in. I'm down a pound! For a total of 10.2 pounds!

I certainly wasn't as good this week as I could have been, but way better than I would have been if I weren't trying to lose weight! I did have take out a few times as we were rushing trying to get costumes, rushing to get ready for party on saturday, rushing to get the kids ready etc... I did stay on plan, if you can call it that, I feel like I cheated though. 4 drinks and a few jello shooters, a pita from extreme pita (16 points), a sub from Mr sub (8 points), and a bagel and cream cheese from tim hortons (12 points!!!). I think this with a could sodium rich dinners and that explains my not so much of a weight loss. 

Well now on to the rest of the week and a more calm weekend!

Halloween bash success! October 30th 2011

I'm going to call this a success, even though I ate take out twice yesterday and drank at the Halloween party. It's WAYYY better than I would have in previous years!

Let me start from the beginning. For the past 3 weeks I have been gearing myself up for my first real big social event while on weight watchers. My best friends Stag n Doe. I formed a game plan and put a lot of thought into it too! I gave myself the permission to have fun (alcohol included) and maybe some treats :). 

Now this wasn't just any stag n doe, it was a halloween themed stag n doe. With costumes, candy, lots of food, and lots of really cheap booze! Not to mention, pretty well ALL OF MY DRINKING FRIENDS were there! So I needed a game plan to survive!

My plan was to get the kids out the door and over to my sisters by 5, make dinner for us so we're full going in, get Tom and I dressed up and get there around 9, allow myself to have a couple of mixed drinks, not coolers (I just found out that on average they're 7 points!!!) and try to scope out healthy snacky things instead of the candy cauldrons strategically placed around the room!

Well the kids didn't get to my sisters until 6:30 and I realized the party started at 7 not 9 so we grabbed dinner out. We went to extreme pita. I didn't have my phone on me so I couldn't figure out the points, so I picked something with what I thought would be in the lower range according to their nutritional info. Philly steak, no cheese, with schwarma sauce because it's tasty. Ate it, enjoyed it thinking it was one of the healthier options in town. Nope 16 POINTS!!!! That threw me for a loop for sure! I could have had McDonalds for that (a suggestion that I tuned down btw)! 

Well we got dressed and headed to the hall. I ended up having 4 drinks, Rye and gingerale, my old friend :) They were well enjoyed! And at 4 points a piece I felt a little guilty but I did save my WP for this occasion! I avoided the food, it was all cold salads, desserts candy candy candy, and 2 cakes. TWO! I love cake! But I avoided it! Oh, and speaking of cake, my friend approached me about making her wedding cake for them in March, great! Except, making cake for a wedding includes weeks of "fail cake" tried recipes that don't quite work and end up in a bowl on the counter for everyone to pick at, or even decorated as practice with icing and everything! I'm an amateur baker and did our own wedding cake, family/friend birthday cakes, etc... What a temptation that's going to be in the coming months!!! 

We had a great time but all I ate was one itty bitty Oh Henry bar (ok, I know, but with all the temptation around me I had to give in to something! I even avoided the large bowl of potato chips sitting right in front of me the whole night!). Oh, and a couple jello shooters. So we were starving when we left the party. We went to Mr Sub being the only thing open besides Pizza Pizza and McDonalds (both after bar golden standards). I had a small club for 9 points, a little better I guess. I did throw out half of the bun...

So all in all after tracking everything, yesterday cost me 66 points! I did not use up all of my WP and didn't touch my measly 3 activity points (stupid back), I ate on plan all week, never straying and avoided a lot of temptation. The old me would have eaten all night long, brought candy home, had an entire small pizza to herself and been drunk off her **** last night!

Success! Now the next hurdle... Not eating my 2 year olds halloween candy...

Two weeks down! October 26th 2011

Well I'm down 9.2 pounds in 2 weeks! I lost 3.2 pounds yesterday at WI! I know it won't keep dropping like this, but it's nice to get a good head start, maybe it'll keep me motivated to keep going once things slow down! 

I'm getting used to tracking points and getting the veggies and fruit in. I notice on the days when I don't eat as much veggies and fruit, the scale doesn't move! (I know, I'm not supposed to weigh myself daily, but it keeps me going seeing some progress!). I haven't been exercising yet, I have bad joints and old injuries that are exacerbated by the extra weight, plus, I threw my back out while holding my puking daughter last week :/ I figure when I've lost some I'll start walking and my goal is to get a gym membership when I'm done my mat leave and am back to work in April. I should have lost enough by then that I'll be able to move a bit easier!

I am having a hard time eating all of my points though, I'm a breastfeeding mom and I eat quite a bit! Most days I end up with 10 points or more left after dinner and fight with myself to cover as many of those points before bed. So I think I really have to start planning out what I'm going to eat for the day and spread them out more evenly, and eat a bigger lunch, I know I'm a bad lunch eater, and that's a hard habit to break! I'm allergic to milk, or the lactic acid in milk, I get bad skin reactions if I have too much dairy. I have been drinking lactose free skim milk hot with vanilla, cinnamon and half a sweetener. I''m addicted to them now and that at least covers a couple of points here and there. I'm just waiting to make sure I don't have a reaction...

Wow this post has ended up a little fragmented! I confess I'm a tad sleepy writing this, I'm up at 6:00 this morning because of back pain. :( But I'm motivated even though I'm feeling crappy! Kids are healthy again (knock on wood!), I have some yummy steel cut oats with brown sugar just waiting to be eaten this morning and best of all, my husband and I are going out on a much needed date night tonight! I'll post another time about how wonderful and supportive my husband is later, I'm hungry!

Non scale victories! October 22nd 2011

Tom and I went shopping yesterday to Square One. One of our favorite malls to take Lara our 2 1/2 year old to burn off some steam, it's about a half hour from our town, but it has just about everything in it. We brought both kids, my mom and Tom's Grandma with us. I've been suffering with a bad back since tuesday so I thought getting out and walking it off would help (it did!). Also, getting out of the house to help our sanity after the kids being sick all week was a necessity (also really helped too!). 

The last time I was here with my mom was 2 weeks ago because I found a sale on Jessica Simpson's plus size clothing like and I liked a few pieces. Well, the shopping spree proved fruitless, nothing fit right and the fabric was cheap! My mom, being the person who likes to salvage a situation, tries pointing out nice outfits (in regular sizes) not a big help, ended up making me (and her) feel worse!

Back to yesterday.

I went into the mall knowing Zaryah (our humongous 6 month old) needed a new wardrobe (Lara is very teeny). As she's already in 12 month clothes in which size all I had was summer stuff :/ I hit a sale in The Bay and along with the grandma's, she's set for the season, or at least half of it :P I also found a great pair of flat bottom, sturdy, non utilitarian dress boots (thanks to my Generous to a fault mother. Again)

I just heard a term on here NSV. Or Non Scale Victories. Hearing this term the other day even empowered me! That's right! It's not just the scale moving that is a good thing! Well yesterday in the mall I let myself look in the windows of the skinny stores. Instead of making a joke that "not even my left b00b will fit in that store!" I said to my husband. "I'll be shopping in there some day". With a big smile on my face! 

I had made some extra money selling Avon this week and went into Addition-Elle (it seems I always find something in there). I got a new shirt, a 1X not a 2X! I know it was just cut bigger, not that I'm really down a size, but it still felt great!

Feeling great about myself (having lost 6 pounds already and being OP-on points/on plan all this week) for the first time, still being very overweight, was a huge victory for me! 

I'm now motivated to stay OP throughout the weekend and have another ON scale victory on Tuesday!

Soon to be skinny shopaholic!

One week down! October 19th 2011

I went to my first meeting last night. The leaders remembered me! The first thing I said was "I had a baby!" Feeling guilty about being gone so long, lol! I weighed in and I'm down 6 pounds! Now my kids are sick, I'm not getting any sleep, and I threw my back out. All I'm sure contribute to using more calories than normal. So I'm not expecting numbers like that all of the time! Still, it's a great start! Last time it too me a month to lose 6 pounds almost!

This time around I think I'm going to be more serious about it. It took no time to get back on the band wagon of measuring and weighing foods, looking up points etc... And I feel really good about what I'm doing.

My weight gain journey Oct 13th 2011

I've been battling my weight since I was a teenager. Being a skinny kid before that, always below the growth curve, smallest of my class etc. My Dad got sick when I was 10 and my Mom hit a depression, the healthy meals I was used to began turning into McDonalds and packaged meals, even dairy queen for dinner at times! 

Up to 150 lbs I went. 

As a teenager I slimmed back down having to walk all over town, being social, then I got a car when I was 20 and it all went downhill from there! 

Back up to 160 lbs

My Dad died and I went into Nursing school in 2000 thinking I'd get healthy running around like Nurses do. No such luck! I got a job at Sick Kids Hospital in 2003 and lo and behold! When you help a child, inevitably their family owns a bakery! Or at least lives beside one! On more weight went. 

190 lbs now. 

In 2005 I met another Nurse who had had some success with Dr. B's diet. Expensive though it was, and as little food you were allowed, it gave results! Fast! I lost 35 lbs. I felt great! Was fitting into skinnier clothes again, had more energy etc. Then I ran out of money. Since they don't teach you how to eat properly, as soon as you start eating again, you gain weight. Insidiously the pounds crept back up. My mom, who was always a sedentary person and over weight, had a stroke, I moved in with her to be a help. By 2008 the weight was back.

185 lbs again

In 2008 I began dating my best friend of 20 years, my now husband. I gained another 20 lbs out of happiness and date food!

205 lbs.

We had our first daughter in January of 2009! I fell down the stairs when I was 8 months pregnant, injuring my pelvis and ankle irrevocably. Being immobile and home alone with a baby I gained again.

230 lbs!!!!

When she was 6 months old I decided again I had to do something. I joined weight watchers!

I lost almost 20 lbs then I had more health problems and had to have surgery. Not long after that baby number 2 was on the way! It was a difficult pregnancy and I found myself once again immobile with a toddler running around.

In April 2011 our second beautiful daughter was born! With the state my body was in and being cooped up with 2 kids all day long, instead of losing baby weight, I gained. 6 months after Zaryah was born, I am now closer to 300 lbs than to 200. My weight loss goal just a few years ago of 50 lbs, has now ballooned to 111 lbs!!!

As of yesterday, I weighed 251 lbs. Unbelievable.

So here I am. determined not to end up like my mother. Determined to get this weight off once and for all! I have to. I can't let my kids relive my life. I can't relive my mother's life. This is do or die.

Wish me luck!