Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Went to a meeting

I went to a Weight Watchers meeting on my way home from walking the girls to school this morning.  I've been sick for a few weeks with Asthma and Pneumonia, and the walk there is pretty much all up hill, especially for this morbidly obese person on any normal day. But with the help of my ventolin, I managed it just fine. Then remembering it was Wednesday and meeting started at 9, I walked there instead of home!

Having obviously not been paying any attention to what I'm eating the past couple of months since my last restart, I was up . Weighing in at 18 stone 1.5 lbs. Or 253.4 lbs. Up 2.2 lbs from when I last attended in January. Could have been a lot worse...

It was a good meeting, Sharnie my leader is very motivating and a couple of her helpers in the group met some big milestones, pointing out they've lost quite a bit since Sharnie took over the meetings in January. I think if I can keep myself going to the meetings, I'll do well.  It has sucked not having my sisters at the meetings to push me to keep going, hopefully I'll meet some friends that will keep me accountable.

I'll be updating my blog a bit, mostly the weight record, re-setting goals and new before photos. 

Sunday, April 8, 2018

I've come back to this blog as I spent so many hours on here, organizing, writing lists, tracking my weight loss, and succeeding at losing weight. I've started numerous blogs over the last few years hoping to get back to it, but just haven't. My motivation left me years ago.


This is me. Was me. Can be me. 



When I was "feeling" my best. I want to be like this again. Minus the internal outrage, depression, chaos, body dysmorphism, struggle, sadness. I read back in the weeks before this and I can really see a trend, Thank God I'm not there anymore!

I felt fat. I was in a size 8-10, but all I saw was my gross fat belly. The biggest part of me. 

Now I'm almost 40, morbidly obese with chronic pain and what I'm told is"Fibromyalgia", always thinking about my weight, always planning, starting programs, never staying with them.  With 40 only 9 months away, I do not want to be like this anymore!

I can't really exercise because of pain, or I can, but then I can't do anything for days or weeks because I've sent myself into a fibro-relapse, and can't work.  I love my work, I can't not work for obvious reasons, but I need to lose weight.  

I've gone back to weight watchers numerous times, foolishly signed myself up for a 5 day a week bootcamp, that sent me into said relapse, I tried looking into weight loss surgery, but it's too expensive to pay for myself, and I don't qualify as I DON'T HAVE DIABETES YET. Yes, I was told that. 

My family doctor has said she will support me however she can, doing a medically supervised diet, with walking, yoga or swimming as tolerated, plus having access to her nurses whenever I need them. I haven't taken her up on that offer yet, not sure why, but this should be my next starting point.

For now, I'm just going to try to make a decision about everything I eat, instead of just eating.  And maybe drinking more than just coffee... Hey Eva!  Have you heard that you can get water pumped right into your kitchen?! 

Sunday, January 24, 2016

37 years young.

I've been paying better attention to what goes into my mouth the past 3 weeks.  I'm down 2.9 lbs so far this month.  Which I'm glad I got a head start on, being this past week we celebrated mine and my daughters birthdays!  I've never stayed on plan for birthdays through my first loss, and I didn't this week either.  Birthdays are meant to be celebrated.  And for us, that includes food!  So I'm not counting on a loss this week, but that's ok.

DH signed up for a gym membership this week, now that we know he's coming home for good in February!  He was able to get a posting an hours drive away instead of  way up north!  We went to the gym together on Friday and have another gym date planned for tomorrow!  He's a great motivator for me, and pushes me hard at the gym.  I love it!  He has decided he wants to tone up and thin out!  Although I love him anyway he comes, it'd be nice to have a washboard to do my delicates on. *wink*


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

In with the old...

The past year has been a tough one. But amazingly mundane at the same time. 

We started by living apart while my husband travelled for work.
I started having severe pain issues and my health started to decline.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Syndrome.
We moved again into our dream house (that needs work).
We went through financial hardship when my husband got laid off. 
I had to pick up a second job to make ends meet.  
He found a good job, but had to leave again.  
Now we're paying for two households.

Ahh.  Enough of that. 

So, The good things that have happened. 


We have two wonderful, healthy girls. I have a diagnosis, with meds that actually help. 
I have two amazing jobs. 
My husband and I are still deliriously in love. 
With him home not working, he got to spend the summer home with his girls in this amazing place we call home. In our own in ground pool. 
We live in the most beautiful place on earth, The Okanagan Valley.
We have a dream house that we can fix up the way we want.
We have a financial plan.
My husband finally has his dream job and has now done over half of his stint away from home.
My mental health is much better and I'm better than I've been in years.

And so much more.

Life is nowhere near the same. 

I've gained back all but 10 pounds of what I lost "before". And instead of dwelling on the fact that I've gained so much, I'm working on letting that go and start again. 


My health isn't the same and my mental health is different than before, so I need a new plan.  One day at a time.  I can't go gangbusters, but every little bit will add up.

I've lost count how many times I've restarted Weight Watchers over the past couple of years and I don't know why I keep struggling with that, with the exception that I don't have my sisters here to attend with me. I really want to start again, I KNOW the program works for me, I just need to stick to it!  

I know it's cliché, but isn't that the case with anyone with weight to lose?  I have a plan for 2016...



Sunday, July 19, 2015

It's been a long time...

I'd love to say that I've been working on losing weight since my last post, but, nope.  Sorry. 

In the past year and a half, maybe two years, I've not been able to get my shit together long enough to make a dent in losing what I've gained.  Actually, I've been pretty consistently gaining over that time.  My highest weight (since losing it all) was a couple of weeks ago, 231 lbs at Weight Watchers.  Which isn't all bad, I've been going to Weight Watchers since May 13th.  I lost 5 lbs the first month, then had family visiting from back home and gained it all back in two weeks, now I'm working on getting that gain off again.  I'm down an overall of 1.6 lbs since my recommit!  Lol!

I have to admit, I wasn't really on track for most of June.  Although having gone to the same meeting throughout, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm a part of a weight loss community again!  Which I can honestly say I haven't felt in over a year. 

Just this past meeting on Saturday, it really felt like I was part of the group.  People remember my name now, I'm starting to get to know a few, the leader is my age, and that helps, and I'm participating.  I finally feel like I might just be able to stay on it this time. 

This particular group meets on Saturday mornings, has a facebook group and really supports each other.  Since moving across country I've not had the support of a group and I think that has been a big part of my gains.  My husband is a great support, but we are also each others enablers.  I need that outside pressure to keep me going.

I'd love to say I'm back on track, and losing again, but of course, I've had so many false starts and have said this to you countless times, lol! 

But...

I'm going to the meetings.

My brain is finally switched back on and when I'm looking for something to eat, on plan foods are my first thought. 

One big reason I think I'll stay on plan this time...

My health.

I have chronic pain, the doctor threw out the term Fibromyalgia, which I hate, but whatever.  My current medication regimen is no longer working or possible.  I refuse to take Narcotics, and theres really not much out there thats covered by my drug plan. 

So.

In researching ways to help my chronic pain I stumbled upon the anti-inflammatory diet.  Pretty much whole foods, avoid processed anything, white flours etc.. Eat healthy, bottom line.  Huh.  Fancy that.

Something switched in my brain.  My diet can help me feel normal.  Deal.

It's too soon to tell, it's only been a week and a half but now that my brain see's processed food as a danger, making healthy choices has been easy. 

I'll keep you posted.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

I can't believe I'm doing this... AGAIN!

I've been reluctant to post for the last while, only because I've had so many false starts over the past year.   I'm confident now in posting, because after losing 5.5 pounds in the three weeks before Christmas, giving myself "leeway" over Christmas and New Years and gaining some, I'm definitely back in the game.  Officially back on Weight Watchers now 6 weeks!  I've still not lost all of my Christmas gain, but mid week sneak peak shows me I'm well on my way for a good loss this next coming weigh in on Wednesday.  So here I am, definitely on the path to a smaller me.  Again.

I've had some health challenges, which I'm sure would be eased by weight loss, also are a significant set back as well.  I have Achilles Tendonitis, in both feet, so I can't run, and I can't walk a whole lot, and I also have a Ganglion Cyst in my left wrist, which makes it hard to do a lot of body weight exercises.  I know these sound like excuses, and yes I have definitely used them as such, but I've been losing these past six weeks.  And I've just joined a gym, which has child care at a time that is convenient for me, and a couple of friends who want to kid swap so they can go to the gym as well!

I'm hosting a challenge on the Weight Watchers 100+ pounds to lose board and that is helping keep me accountable, as well as some non-scale goals.

- to not be lazy
       Really, this is a huge one.  When I want to sleep in, get out of bed.  When I want to say no when the kids want to go tobogganing, or want me to play on the floor, do it, when I want to leave (parent accompanied) pre school because my 3.5 year old is independent and I'm bored but she wants to stay, find something to do with her.  Instead of grabbing quick food because I don't want to just cook for myself, cook something healthy, but can make good leftovers.

-Track what I'm eating
      As I said, I'm doing weight watchers.  My goal is to track every day in 2015

-get more exercise
      However I get it.  "Walk away the pounds" videos, yoga, playing with the kids, cleaning, going to the gym, etc...
-meal plan
       For budgetary reasons as well as diet reasons

My highest weight this go-round was 215.2.  I got down to 209.7 right before Christmas and went back up to 213.6 on New Years Eve.  My last weigh in this past Wednesday I was 212.6 and my tracking streak is at 10 days.

I'll post "Pre" pictures in a day or two, we currently don't have a full length mirror and my hubby is away for work.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Precariously back in the swing.

Our furniture finally came last weekend and I've been super busy unpacking and organizing.  On Tuesday I totally forgot it was Tuesday and missed weigh in so went in later and was up 0.8.  I had a few days of total disorganization and takeout as a result, but now the kitchen is organized and I'm back on track.  I've had to make myself sit and eat breakfast, snack and lunch, as I'd been going half the day without food and gorging on take out in the afternoon.

The best part of unpacking, I found my scale!  I've been hovering just above 200 pounds and I'm happy to say I finally fell below!  6.4 lbs left to lose of vacation gain. I'm getting there!

I had to go back to basics on the exercise front.  My body just can't handle the stress of the HIITit Kelowna.  12 minutes or not, my body is just not ready for mountain climbers and burpees.  My bad ankle is needing iced and braced again and the Ganglion cyst on my left wrist is forcing me to rest that too!  I'm sure having an extra 30 lbs on my frame doesn't help either.

I've been doing a few hours of serious work in and out of the house though, enough to really work up a sweat and have a feeling of accomplishment (and sore feet!) at the end of the day.  Walking a couple of times a week when I can, I need to increase that, my poor dog is feeling neglected!