Precariously back in the swing.

Our furniture finally came last weekend and I've been super busy unpacking and organizing.  On Tuesday I totally forgot it was Tuesday and missed weigh in so went in later and was up 0.8.  I had a few days of total disorganization and takeout as a result, but now the kitchen is organized and I'm back on track.  I've had to make myself sit and eat breakfast, snack and lunch, as I'd been going half the day without food and gorging on take out in the afternoon.

The best part of unpacking, I found my scale!  I've been hovering just above 200 pounds and I'm happy to say I finally fell below!  6.4 lbs left to lose of vacation gain. I'm getting there!

I had to go back to basics on the exercise front.  My body just can't handle the stress of the HIITit Kelowna.  12 minutes or not, my body is just not ready for mountain climbers and burpees.  My bad ankle is needing iced and braced again and the Ganglion cyst on my left wrist is forcing me to rest that too!  I'm sure having an extra 30 lbs on my frame doesn't help either.

I've been doing a few hours of serious work in and out of the house though, enough to really work up a sweat and have a feeling of accomplishment (and sore feet!) at the end of the day.  Walking a couple of times a week when I can, I need to increase that, my poor dog is feeling neglected!

Week one weigh in

I was down 2.1 pounds yesterday!

I used all of my activity points and most of my weeklies, but I was active most of the week and ate as well as I could between indulgences (mainly alcohol and restaurants).

Activity was a big increase this week.  I started walking again, the evenings here are nice and cool since the sun goes behind a mountain quite early, so I've been walking, gardening in the overgrown yard, painting the playroom and a work out I've started that is run by two Nurses here in Kelowna.  It's called HIIT it Kelowna and it's a 12 minute workout challenge that you do for 30 days.

 It's tough, I'm quite out of shape right now, and I have a ganglion on my wrist (a stupid cyst on my wrist that doesn't bug me as long as I don't put pressure on it) that is getting in the way of a few exercises, push ups, mountain climbers etc..  So I've had to modify those. But I'm doing it.  By the end of the 30 days it should get easier.  And really, if it were easy, they wouldn't call it high intensity, so I knew what I was signing up for.

A couple of updates in the PhoenixBlaise life...

Hubby is working and just got his Alberta Paramedic licence!  He'll be working away from home through the fall and winter, which sucks, but the money is good and will help us get ahead.

I spoke with the manager I'd interview with and I definitely have a job in Vernon Hospital!  It'll be Casual which is awesome because I can plan around life, the kids and Hubby's schedule.  I have two weeks left of vacation before I start :D I'm nervous and excited.  I haven't worked in a hospital setting in 6 years and haven't been in a ward setting in 8!  But it'll be good to get my Nursing skills back. Nurses in medical units are under-appreciated, it's a tough job and you need to really know your stuff.  I can't wait to get back into it!

I just got a call (really, while I was writing this post!) and our furniture should be coming tonight or tomorrow!  It's been almost six weeks since I've seen my couch...

Ooooouch!

As promised, I went back to meetings tonight now that we're settled in Kelowna after a cross country move.  

I'm up another 10 lbs since my last weigh in putting my total gain for the year 39.6 lbs.  Ouch!

I'm also over 200 lbs :(

However!  I went back.  I tracked today and I will track tomorrow.  I swear to god I'm not seeing that stupid number again!!

I slid back into "the mindset" easily today.  I think it helped that I'd planned ahead that today was the day I started back on Weight Watchers.  I measured, I tracked, I ate a healthy lunch even though I was out, I skipped Dairy Queen even when the kids had some.  Pretty good I'd say.  

Big changes

It's been a while since I've blogged. And a long while since I've been on program. 

I lost my job of 4 1/2 years May 16th. Termination without cause.  Although I know there were budget issues, and I was paid top wages for a Nurse in my position, my boss said this was the best way for it to be written for me to get the benefits of "being fired" ( turns out I wasn't the only one let go either).  I got a good severance package and my health benefits were continued through my severance period, so we were able to get our teeth checked, prescriptions renewed etc...

About an hour after I came home the day I was let go, my husband and I had made the decision to move.  We have been thinking about relocating for a couple of years now.  I'd been open with my boss that with Tom being a new paramedic, I was willing to go wherever the job needed him to go.  I was marketable and could get a job anywhere.  For Paramedics in Ontario, it's a hard go, starting out. 

We decided that British Columbia was where we were going to go!  We got our professional licences out west and Tom quickly found a position with an industrial paramedic company that pays quite well (but will take him away for 2-3 weeks at a time up north).  We gave our notice to our landlord (of the house we'd just moved into) booked the movers and set out on our journey June 30th! 

We took 2 weeks to get out west, camping, couch sailing and hoteling it.  We camped in Kelowna for a week before we found a great house to rent (with an awesome landlord who offered the house to us early) and we moved in July 18th!  Still none of our stuff... But it's home.

I was nervous about finding a job here, but my worries were unfounded. 

I went for an interview with one of the local hospitals and came out with a job, and possibly two managers fighting over me. :D

Neither of us are working yet, start dates are pending, Tom has found an interim job with a transfer service here and starts with them tomorrow.  Money is tight, but we're dealing.  We've had some help from our parents which is awesome and we are very grateful for!  It costs to have everything switched over!  Licences, health insurance, car insurance, plates etc...not to mention we have nothing but a frying pan to cook on!

It's been a rough couple of months.  But when my hubby or kids cuddle up next to me and I look out my window at this...

All my stress melts away...

Down the rabbit hole...

Well I went down crazy street and ended up in Emerg for chest pains due to anxiety and am now medicated.  That was 3 weeks ago.  Turns out I can't just cope with everything.  I actually need to deal with my problems!

So I took a hiatus from everything.  Nothing social (except my sisters wedding which I had to do the wedding cake and act normal, with Ativan and a lot of help thankfully!), no gym, no diet, no scale(!!!) nothing.

I'm starting to feel in control of my life somewhat, and I've signed back up for the monthly pass at weight watchers.  I'll be going back tonight.  I stepped on the scale this morning and am up 18 pounds from my goal weight.  I broke down and bought new work pants in a size 14 (I was an 8-10 this time last year).  But I'm ok with that.  I'm still a loser of over 70 pounds.  And this is a process.

I'm really fighting with myself on if I should go gang busters or not with weight loss.  I seem to be an all or nothing kind of gal, and up until now I've not been great at coping, just throw myself into something else that will distract me and helps me avoid my issues.  Or is going headlong into weight loss good for me?  Maybe that IS dealing with my issues?

Mentally I was in a much better place a year ago.  I hit my lowest weight of 162 lbs and felt like I WAS THERE!  Then I had my breast reduction and struggled for the last 12 months.  The last 5 of which I've really not been doing anything to help my weight loss.  Oh, except give myself more to lose!

I decided to go back to meetings because I was looking online for programs to help support me, like Food Addiction community groups, Overeaters Anonymous and so on... then it hit me.  The reason I went to weight watchers in the first place, and wouldn't miss it for anything, was because of the support!  My WW's people GET me!  And are there for me! And admire me! and encourage me!

I'm still on hiatus from the gym.  I'm going to give myself a few weeks back on program to get used to everything again, then we'll see.  In my head, the gym sabotaged my weight loss.  I started gaining when I started working out.  So we'll see where my head is at mid june.

I saw this on Facebook this morning and pretty much sums up my days these past 5 months...

I do so well all day, then the evening munchies hit...

A not quite on plan weekend

Thank goodness for the activity I got!  Because it was a grab-and-go kinda weekend shamefully :(.

I still did have a successful weekend in a few other aspects though, I got the P90x app for my ipad (I'll start AFTER I finish making 13 shawls and a wedding cake for my sisters wedding...  I still need to locate weights... but I'll get it together.  I might do the 30 day shred in the meantime to get started, I never have finished that.

 I got everything put away in the coat closet, kitchen and bathroom, and scrubbed down said rooms, put up my husbands motorcycle shed, got the girls bikes and scooters out and gave them a safe nice sized area on our driveway for riding, cleaned the bike trailer, got the patio equipment out...

I also went to a birthday party and with hubby to pick up his bike from my brother's and had a nice long ride :)

Walking again

I finally walked to work!  It's been probably since November that I've been able to walk to work. Mostly the weather, then the mojo, then illness or injury...  But today, the weather is beautiful, my ankle is behaving and I feel like a million bucks!

It felt great!  I also took advantage of a nice day and went for a walk on my lunch.  I'm still not back to the gym yet, maybe next week.  I'm kind of struggling with something.  I'm having a procedure done on May first that will stop me actively working out for a couple of weeks, do I go to the gym then stop?  Or do I wait until after I'm healed ten go back?  I'm thinking I can probably still walk after surgery, but I can do that outside, i don't need the gym for that...

Part of me is worried that I'll start gaining again...

Last April I waited the month after my breast reduction to start at the gym.  I consistently gained from then until now...  I'm finally losing.  I really don't want to upset my new found mojo.  I'm thinking maybe I'll put my membership on hold through the summer and just exercise outside?  I know I'll need the gym come the fall when the weather gets bad.  I haven't decided yet...

So interesting factoid!

I know I said I wasn't going to compare measurements to my last ones, but I did anyways.

Studies show that stress causes an increase in the hormone Cortisol, which deposits fat around your waist.  Funny thing, my legs, arms and bust are the same measurement they were a year ago when I was at my lowest.  Only my waist, stomach and hips have increased, 8 inches in total!

I didn't put much thought into that, I was under a lot of stress the past few months, but holy cow!  Thank goodness my stress levels have dropped considerably!

One week down.

My first week went well!

I used all of my Activity and Weekly points as we had 3 birthday events and a bridal brunch, but I made good choices.

I'm down 3.1 lbs this week!

I'm quite motivated, and dreaming of my pounds to lose dropping!  Having the ticker on my lock screen of my phone is really helping.  It reminds me often of my success.

Hubby took before pictures for me and did my measurements!  I'm really excited to see them go down again.  I'm not going to compare them from my last ones, I just don't want any increases to derail me.  I know I've gained weight and inches, but that's in the past.  I'm losing now.

My stats. I'll do them again when I hit 170!

Size: 12 or large

Weight: 179.3 lbs

Bust 42
Waist 40.
Belly 44
Bum 44.45
Rt thigh 23.5
Lt thigh 23.25
Rt calf  14
Lt calf 14
Rt arm 13.25
Lt arm 13.5

Here's a side by side of just after I started losing weight.  Man!  I can't feel fat looking at that!

Starting over. For real this time.

So Wordpress didn't work out for me, so here I am back again in my comfy spot!  I uploaded all of my posts from there so you can catch up if you didn't follow me there.

Since I posted on my birthday, I've gained 12 pounds. I have many excuses, but really, does it matter?  It was me that ate, it was me that stopped going to the gym, I have no one to blame but myself.

Ok, no more bad talk.  What's done is done..

Hubby and I have made a lot of changes lately. The biggest one is we are no longer caregivers to my mom (She's well taken care of, don't worry!) and we've moved into our own house!

I'm taking stress a little better than I was (a big motivator to moving).  Not to mention life has calmed down a lot in the past few weeks!

On Monday the 31st, as I'd planned before the move, I started over. I weighed in that morning at 182.4 lbs. a full 20 pounds from my lowest only 11 months ago.  My heart just wasn't in it. Half way through gaining I decided to change my goal weight to what I was at at that point (172.5 lbs) figuring just lifting the stress of losing would change things. It didn't.  I couldn't keep the weight off after reaching lifetime at Weight Watchers and I haven't been back. I reached lifetime almost 4 months ago. 

I feel like a cop out and really not wanting to get to my original goal is just plain laziness!

So with all of these fresh starts in life, I'm starting fresh in weight watchers. I'm going back to active losing and I'm going to aim for my original goal weight.  145 lbs.  so in total I have 37.4 pounds to lose. 

Since Monday I've been on plan and motivated.  As of yesterday I've lost 3.2 pounds!

I made a ticker on lilypie.com and put a screen shot of it on my home screen on my phone. So every time I look at my phone, it reminds me of my progress!

In a couple of weeks I'm going back to weight watchers meetings.  I need the support and my two sisters that I left behind need my support too. 

No more excuses!

As soon as I find my tape measure I'm going to take my beginning measurements and a before photo!

Happy birthday to me! Jan 19, 2014

I turned 35 today. Don’t know when that happened, aren’t I 25?

Well, I may be old(er), but I’m certainly in much better shape (and place!) than I was at 25! At 25 I was going to Dr Bernstein trying to lose weight, lost 40 pounds then gained it back again plus more! I was working two Nursing jobs in two different cities, working out here and there, but wasn’t able to do 5 minutes on the lowest resistance on an elliptical machine (only crazy people use those!). Now I can do a full hills workout, incline and resistance at 12 for a full 30 minutes on an elliptical (great cardio workout btw). And I’ve lost 89 pounds, keeping 80 of it off for the past year! With proper diet and exercise. No quick fix, no miracle pills, just good ole blood, sweat, tears, patience, determination and faith!

The past couple of weeks since my last post have been busy! I’ve been really good, exercising when I can, taking life and stress in stride, my pelvis has been acting up since I slipped on the ice just after Christmas, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. We also have a new little light in our life!

Meet Bruno! He’s our 9 week old Shar Pei Bulldog mix puppy!

He’s so sweet and smart!

I’ve been doing well weight loss wise too. On New Year’s Day I weighed in at 176.5, yesterday I weighed in at 170.5! I’ve had a few treats yesterday and today, but tomorrow I’m back on the straight and narrow and hopefully will fall under 170 (and stay there) for the first time since the summer!

I’m really feeling like I’m back on the train and back losing.

New year update. Jan 3, 2014

I know I’ve not been on here in a while, but life has been pretty boring in the weight loss/maintenance area.  Although, posting on here gave me some accountability, and looking back over the year, when I was posting regularly and keeping tabs in challenges on my 100+ pounds to lose board on Weightwatchers.ca message boards, I was doing much better.

The last 2 months have pretty much been just trying to keep my had above water and my weight has been bouncing up and down like a yo-yo, just slightly under my panic weight at weight watchers.

Even though I’m at “goal”, I’m not happy.  I’m up about 10 pounds from my lowest weight in April and at that point, I felt I was at a comfortable spot.  It’s been pretty hard to lose the past few months, but I’m not sure how much my heart’s been in it.

The past 3 weeks or so, minus a few days over Christmas, I’ve been doing pretty well with food choices, and have been going to the gym 3 days a week again.  Weight has been coming off (then going back on with christmas, then off again, then on again with New Years..).  But my frame of mind has been better.  I’m cautiously optimistic that I’m back on the wagon again… I know I’ve had renewed vigor a few times this year, then lost it again, but hopefully I can get some momentum going, I’d really like to feel comfortable in my skin again!

I’ve updated my weigh-ins, goals, NSV’s and have added some pics finally to my progress pics tab, I’m hoping that keeping everything up to date will keep the attention on where I want to be.

My goal this week is to weigh less than 172 on my home scale Tuesday morning, that means I’m in the safe zone to weigh in for free at the Weight Watchers meeting that night.  When I hit that, I’ll make a new short term goal.

Baby Steps…

Fake it until you make it. November 9, 2013

Still holding on at goal.  I’m trying to get down a couple of pounds to have a buffer when hubby and I go to Niagara falls next weekend… I’d like to be a glutton for once!

I commented on someones post on Weight Watchers message boards this morning and thought I’d share. :) These words helped me, maybe they’ll help someone out there in blog-land!

I barely gained anything when I was pregnant, but after. Somehow after having 2 kids I’d gained 60 pounds (after being overweight already) and felt like I was starting a very tough road. My younger sister and I joined weight watchers. She said a very powerful thing. I don’t think she realized it at the time though, but it has stuck with me and I go back to it often. 

“Fake it until you make it” 

She meant it as doing things the way you know they should be done and eventually you’ll just do them without thinking.
At first you’ll feel like an impostor, but eventually you assimilate and are part of the crowd. 

You may have a long road to being fit and thin, but nothing is stopping you from acting like you are. Eat like a thin person, move like a thin person, and eventually you’ll be a thin person. It’s all in the mindset. If you feel like you have an unreachable goal, you will fail. If you live life like you’re already there, eventually you will be. 

We all have faith in you here. Come often and post often. 

Day 16. October 15, 2013

The funeral was today for Vavo. I cried a lot of tears and gave a lot of hugs.

I was smart though, ate a good breakfast, ate sensibly at the funeral reception and had a nice dinner made by my husband for my sister and brother in law’s family. Still hungry at bedtime I had my normal go-to snack. I’m very proud of myself for keeping it together over this very tough weekend, I’ve seen a lot of emotional eating lately and I’m glad I chose not to go there.

Back to work and back to the gym tomorrow.

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal
Almonds
Banana

MORNING SNACK

Cottage cheese

LUNCH

4 little sandwich triangles with ham and cheese on them (two pieces of bread worth)
Fruit and veggies
A tiny bit of dip
One small slice of coffee cake

AFTERNOON SNACK

Popcorn
Apple

DINNER

Prime rib and au jus
Roasted potatoes
Carrots
Green beans

BEDTIME SNACK

An apple
A pudding

Day 15. October 14, 2013

I’m still holding on.

I made sure I stayed away from the bad stuff at dinner today.

I indulged a bit this weekend, but not nearly the free for all it used to be for me. Thanksgiving two years ago, just before joining weight watchers, I’d eaten everything in sight and woke up to the scale Tuesday morning, the highest I’d ever been, and had tipped over the 250 pound mark.

This week has been stressful, and the scale is up, not really because of over eating, but I’m probably retaining water for other reasons :(. Stress does weird things. I’m probably not going to be weighing in as tomorrow is Vavo’s funeral, but I’m not really upset. After really watching myself this week and holiday weekend, I’d suck to see another gain!

BREAKFAST

Almonds
Oatmeal
Banana

SECOND BREAKFAST

A pancake with a bit of butter and syrup

LUNCH

Tuna salad wrap

SNACK

Various fruit tray goodies

DINNER

Turkey
1/2 cup mashed potato
A bit of stuffing
Gravy
Carrots
Brussels sprouts
Cauliflower
A glass of wine

BEDTIME SNACK

A few bites of apple pie and Mississippi mud pie
One bite of pumpkin pie

Day 14. Two weeks down! October 13, 2013

Not a bad day today.

Lots of family time, I took my mom and hubby’s grandmother out shopping, then hubby and I went to the movies and saw Gravity, then did a quick kidless grocery shop (yeah!).

Thanksgiving number two tomorrow. The plan is to eat lunch before going. A small blessing that is the visitation for Vavo, will be taking up the time before dinner where I’d be needlessly snacking otherwise. I also have a fruit tray ready to go just in case.

BREAKFAST

17 almonds
Oatmeal
Banana

SNACK

Cheese string

LUNCH

Hot dog and nachos with cheese at the movies
Caramilk bar

DINNER

Sushi bento box

BEDTIME SNACK

An apple

Day 13. October 12, 2013

I did pretty well today. Until dessert :). Didn’t do as badly as I wanted to of course!

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal
12 almonds
Banana

LUNCH

Canadian club 6″ sub

SNACK

Veggies and heluva good dip
Keith’s cider

DINNER

Turkey
A small bit of mashed potatoes
A small bit of stuffing
Lots of cauliflower and turnip
Coleslaw
Gravy
Keith’s cider

DESSERT

Two small pieces of cake
An ounce of fudge
Keith’s cider (Yes I had three drinks today)

Day 12. Two years. October 11, 2013

Today is my 2 year fit-a-versary!

Two years ago today I made a decision that would change my life. I joined weight watchers.

To date I’ve lost 81.6 pounds and I’m 4.8 pounds to goal!

I had a pretty on plan day today for the most part, I did sample a bit of the cake that I made for tomorrow, but you can’t make anything without a taste test!

It’s thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and my side of the family is getting together tomorrow. We need a day together, even though there will be tears, we can find solace in each other.

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal
12 almonds
Banana

MORNING SNACK

Cheese string
Cucumbers
Red peppers

LUNCH

Lean cuisine cannelloni

SNACK

Apple
Cake And fudge nibbles

DINNER

Roasted spaghetti squash with leftover spaghetti sauce and shredded cheese

Day 11. October 10, 2013

Despite my grief, I managed to stay on track today.

Mind you, my appetite wasn’t really there, but neither was the “to he’ll with it” mentality. I even said no to girl guide cookies and shortbread!

I did skip the gym today, and I’ll probably not go again until Wednesday, but I’m ok with that. Right now I’m focusing on staying on track diet wise. Thanksgiving weekend coupled with extra family time before the funeral, it’s going to be tough.

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal
17 almonds
A banana

MORNING SNACK

Greek yogurt

LUNCH

Chicken souvlaki on half a pita
Salad
A few greek potatoes and tzatziki sauce

AFTERNOON SNACK

Sweet and salty bar
Strawberries

DINNER

Egg and cheese on an English muffin
An apple

Day 10. A broken heart. October 9, 2013

Our amazing Vavo passed away this evening.  He was my sisters father-in-law, but was a perfect adopted grandfather to me. We are all heartbroken but happy that he is now without pain.

I did ok most of the day, dinner was late for obvious reasons and ended up being McDonalds.

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal

Almonds

Banana

MORNING SNACK

Grapes

Greek yogurt

LUNCH

Spaghetti sauce over 1 cup of rotini

AFTER GYM SNACK

Cottage cheese

AFTERNOON SNACK

Strawberries

Cucumbers

AFTER WORK SNACK

An apple

DINNER

Quarter pounder

Small fry

BEDTIME SNACK

Apple

Day 9. Successful weigh in! October 8, 2013

I’m down a pound!  Officially, of course. On my home scale I’m actually down 2.6 lbs! (Remember, I didn’t weigh in last week because I knew I’d be up).  That means I’m only 4.8 lbs away from goal!

More good news, my mom came home today!  It was confirmed that she had another stroke on Friday, not just TIA’s. So she’s being followed closely by her family doctor and will be going to see stroke specialists in a few weeks.  She is so excited to be home!

Aaand… Hubby will be picking up his new car on Thursday!

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal

12 almonds

Banana

MORNING SNACK

Apple

Greek yogurt

LUNCH

Lean cuisine – chicken parmesan (Actually pretty good might I add!)

Cucumbers

AFTERNOON SNACK

Grapes

cheese string

DINNER

Rotini

Spaghetti sauce

BEDTIME SNACK

Chocolate cheesecake (A planned splurge)

Day 8. October 7, 2013

I had a good day today!  With the exception of the “all of the sudden we need a new car and skipped the gym at lunch to talk to Kia” thing. Don’t worry. I’m going to make it up. 

My hubby’s 10 year old, driven into the ground Lancer is now at the pont where fixing what’s wrong isn’t worth it. We we’re hoping it would last until he got a better job, but no.  Oh well. New vehicles are fun!  My loan will be coming due shortly too, so maybe two new cars?  We will see…

I’m actually looking forward to weigh in tomorrow. Funny how that happens, I’m on plan, I look forward to it; I’m nt on plan, I loath it or not go. 

I won’t be down a ton, I was well over over the weekend last week and would have been up had I weighed in on Tuesday, but I’ve lost all that and then some!

im excited to keep this going and have another loss next week!  I’m already working on a plan for (Canadian) thanksgiving. :)

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal

17 almonds

banana

MORNIN SNACK

Grapes

greek yogurt

cucumbers

LUNCH

Panko breaded haddock

Spaghetti squash Mac and cheese

AFTERNOON SNACK

Cheese string

Red peppers

DINNER

Omelette (2 eggs, red peppers, ham and bacon bits)

BEDTIME SNACK

Salad 

Fig balsamic dressing

Pudding

Catch up. And BIG NEWS! October 28, 2013

Sorry I’ve been MIA, my 6 week challenge went out the window too.  After being so good over thanksgiving weekends and the funeral I ended up gaining instead of losing.  This sent me to almost quitting weight watchers altogether!  Hubby talked me out of it thankfully.

He made me realize that I am a success.  I need to remember that I’ve lost over 80 pounds and have kept them off for almost a year now.  The fact that I’m pretty much the same weight that I was 10 months ago shouldn’t be my undoing, it should be my confirmation that this is where I’m supposed to be right now.  He suggested I just make my current weight my goal weight at Weight Watchers and just maintain where I am (couldn’t be hard, I’m already doing it).

I think I just needed someone to tell me that!  I got the all important doctors note (after having tried for two months since the last one to lose 5 pounds and failing) and gave it to my Weight Watchers leader last Tuesday.  She was totally supportive and as of Tuesday October the 22nd, 2013, I’m officially at goal and on maintenance!

My sister brought me flowers, beautiful purple carnations, and I got to tell my story at the meeting, promising a before pic and the token before pants:P

It was very spur of the moment, and took me a few days to process what I’ve done.  After two years of actively trying to lose, it’s so weird to just wake up one day and not have to really worry about that scale going down!

Now almost a week later (and finding a smoking BETTER dress for my sisters wedding) I’m happy, on plan and excited about this next challenge!

Pardon the aweful colour… it’s going to be hunter green :)

I’m going to be a bit sporadic blogging for the next while, I need to find my new niche :)

Day one. September 30, 2013

I’m doing ok today. Despite the fact that I’m running on no sleep!!!

We put the girls in their big girl beds over the weekend. Zy is now out of her crib and in a toddler bed! She’s doing well, going down beautifully! This morning though (hopefully it’s not a trend) she let herself out of her room and woke me up at 5 O’clock! After a miserable nights sleep I of course, tried to get her to go back down, but no. So I’m a zombie on a diet.

I had a good lunchtime at the gym, arms were on the menu and I’m now into the build phase! Which is nice! Only 8 reps instead of 12! Higher weights yes, and more exhausting, but wayyyy less monotonous! And it goes quicker too, it’s not a full body workout so I have time to really do a whole upper body workout plus warm up.

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal with 17 almonds and a cup of raspberries

MORNING SNACK

Grapes

LUNCH

Blue menu angus burger, bun with mustard, ketchup and light miracle whip

red peppers

AFTER GYM SNACK

Cottage cheese

AFTERNOON SNACK

Apple

DINNER

Chicken thighs, mashed cauliflower, green beans and rice

BEDTIME SNACK

An apple and a snack pack pudding.

Struggling again. Still? September 29, 2013

I really don’t know what my problem is. I start every day out great, tracking everything, then by the evening it all goes to shit! I’ll have a donut from Tim hortons, or get chips and dip and pig out, or like last night, make good choices all day, even at a restaurant, then order pizza and have 4 slices!

I can kind of understand the pizza yesterday. My sister is getting married in April and we went dress shopping. I probably tried on a dozen dresses. My body is so lumpy, deflated skin just doesn’t look nice under most styles! I knew I should have worn a body sucker (AKA spanx) and had intended to, but I thought at the last minute “No, I should find a dress that I’m comfortable in without having to wear a body sucker. Bad idea!

I found one that looked great! But it was too small and wouldn’t do up, which is ok, but in the picture that was taken, I look fat and frumpy. Especially beside my size nothing nieces!!!

Here’s the pic… We were all able to pick our own dress as long as the colour was the same, Hunter Green.

I’m the one in the middle between the models :P  I know it’s not as bad as I think… But it wasn’t a great day of shopping :(

Second from left is my sister Becky who has been doing weight watchers and has lost almost 40 pounds!  Doesn’t she look amazing???

I really need to do something to keep me more accountable to get me back on track. (I know I’ve tried this before and stopped…) I’m going to post on here my food diary every day for the next month. Until October 29th. I’m going to stock the fridge today with everything I need and just do it. I’m going to make it to the gym on my regular days and try to get some walking in. The LAZY needs to take a hike!

How many times am I going to learn this lesson??? September 19, 2013

I’m on plan and feeling awesome!

I logged a good loss this week, getting exercise, walking more, staying on plan and I’m feeling like I can take on the world! All of August I was off plan, not exercising and in a slump.

When am I going to learn I feel better when I’m on the ball food and exercise wise!

I can see the light at the end of this tunnel!

Back on track. September 17, 2013

The past few weeks have been really tough. I’ve reallstruggled with my weight fluctuating and not being able to keep a handle on my eating. 

This past weekend I had my LAST summer get together.  Thankfully!  I’ve been on plan since and was very happy to net a 1.8 pound loss!  I’m on my way to losing the 5.4 pounds I gained in August a with only 3.6 pounds left of that and 5.2 pounds left to lose until my goal weight of 167!

im really feeling on it and am motivated to keep it together and lose that last 5 pounds!

And the summer is over. Oh thank goodness. September 2, 2013

I’ve not written in a while! I’m still here. Just busy as heck and to be honest, not a whole hell of a lot to write about.

I’m still going to weight watchers, still paying for it (haven’t hit goal yet).

This summer has been difficult for me. I’ve gained a few pounds in the last couple of weeks, my resolve to avoid crap just isn’t there and I’ve had a lot of temptation, parties and bad moods to add to my bad eating habits. I feel fat too, gravitating to my looser pants and not so clingy tops. Funny how that slippery slope starts. Thank God for weight watchers and keeping me accountable!!! Really, I’d be well on my way to gaining it all back if it weren’t for those meetings. Truly a Godsend ( I’m sure He put WW’s on this earth for this purpose for me)

I did go to my doctors this week to renegotiate my goal weight again, this time to 167 pounds. Premature maybe, since summer is hard for dieters, but had I not done it at that point, I think I would have derailed completely. I’ve been bouncing around the same weight since February! I need a break! I’ll maintain for a while here, then revisit a new goal when I’m a little bit more settled.

I’m hoping that with the summer over and done with I can fall into a routine and lose the last few pounds (I was 171.6 last week, and I’ll most likely be up tomorrow too). Really though, I expect a couple of small losses over the next couple of weeks with weekends fully packed with weddings, parties etc.., so by mid September I should be in full loser mode :)

Comfortable. August 11, 2013

Well I’ve decided to maintain from here.  I weigh on my home scale between 165 and 168 pounds and have bounced in and around there for months!  My diet is pretty good, I drink lots of water, I work out 3 days a week and am active daily on top of that, being it walking, running or super cleaning something in our always messy house!  I like how I feel in my clothes (besides some hanging skin issues), my husband is happy with my figure (not that that is a decision maker at all) and my doctor is happy that I’m not obese.  One of the personal trainers told me not to expect to be 145 pounds if I’m working out and building muscle.  

I see my doctor in 2 weeks and am going to get a letter saying I should maintain at the weight that I am.  Then Weight Watchers is that night and I should be reaching goal!!!

The beautiful thing about weight watchers, once I reach goal, then lifetime 6 weeks later, I can drop a few more pounds if I think I need to or want to.  So I can still lose some over time if it happens.  It’d be good to have a bit of a buffer from goal weight too, to account for fluctuations.  

I’m so excited!  And way more comfortable with everything!  A week ago I was stressing totally about this!  

Struggling. August 6, 2013

I don’t know where my motivation has gone these days.  I feel like this battle for goal is getting farther and farther away.  I’ve been fighting these last 8 pounds for months and months and am feeling like I’m ready to throw the towel in!

This goal weight business sucks!!!  Really, I’m there.  I’m 168 pounds.  I’m not 250 pounds anymore!  I’ve already scored!  Can’t that count for anything???  Fighting to lose the last few may derail me!  And for the first time in this journey, I’m starting to think I will fail.

I have to be totally on plan, no treats, no salt and not “too much” exercise to lose anything.  If I have anything salty,If I have any treats, If I have a heavy day at the gym, I gain or stay the same.  Fricking crazy!!!  This balance between living life and losing weight is just not happening anymore and I don’t think can keep doing it.

I’ve made an appointment to speak with my doctor again about it.  The last time I spoke to her was in April.  Her and I had set my goal weight at 160 pounds. And I’m no closer to it now than I was then.    I’m not sure what I’m going there for, I guess to hear her say it’s ok for me to be at this weight, maybe give me a letter saying 168 is my goal weight for weight watchers, then try to maintain that for a while.  Maybe I just need her to tell me that yes I do need to lose more weight and to get my head out of my ass and just do it all-freakin-ready!

Weigh in was tonight and surprise surprise, I had a couple of treats over the long weekend and I’m up.  1 pound.  Deserved I guess but I was seriously so good all week!  Then the weekend comes, I have a few treats, lots of exercise, and I’m up.  I guess I need to swear off everything and eat rabbit pellets (really I won’t, but honestly!!!)

Well, when I do get to the maintenance phase at least I know I can maintain!  I’ve been doing it since February!!!

Food logs. July, 30, 2013

Still tracking away, life is crazy busy at the moment, we are renovating and I’ve been running myself ragged!  

I’ve not been eating wonderfully, on the run mostly, but my AP’s make up for it this past week.

Weigh in is tonight, we’ll see how things go…

PointsPlus™ Tracker entries

Friday, July 26, 2013

Morning
12  nut(s) almonds	2
1  medium banana(s)	0
1  cup(s) cooked oatmeal	4
1  serving(s) oikos fat free Greek yogurt	2
1  cup(s) strawberries	0
Subtotal	8
Midday
1  serving(s) coffee crisp	7
1  Chicken with Broccoli and Garlic Sauce	5
1  Chicken flavoured rice	3
Subtotal	15
Evening
1  serving(s) shredded cheddar cheese	3
2  spinach and ricotta cannelloni	9
Subtotal	12
Anytime
5  serving(s) Cake Timbits Old Fashion Plain (cake timbit)	10
Subtotal	10
Food PointsPlus values total used	45
Food PointsPlus values remaining	0
Exercise
180 min walking, leisure	10
Activity PointsPlus values earned	10

PointsPlus™ Tracker entries

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Morning
1  small fresh apple(s)	0
1  cup(s) cooked oatmeal	4
12  nut(s) almonds	2
Subtotal	6
Midday
1  large egg(s)	2
1  cup(s) strawberries	0
1  cup(s) pineapple	0
1  serving(s) Health Check™ Chicken on a Kaiser (white meat without skin and Garden Salad with Fat-Free Raspberry Vinaigrette and no Chalet Dipping Sauce)	12
1  Tbsp mayonnaise	3
1  doughnut(s) Filled Donuts Boston Cream (filled donut)	6
Subtotal	23
Evening
1  serving(s) mighty caesar	2
1  serving(s) ready crisp bacon bits	1
1  serving(s) croutons	1
1  slice(s) bread	2
1/2 serving(s) shredded cheddar cheese	2
1 1/2 spinach and ricotta cannelloni	7
Subtotal	15
Anytime
2  serving(s) keiths cider	5
Subtotal	5
Food PointsPlus values total used	49
Food PointsPlus values remaining	0
Exercise
painting – Activity I created	3

PointsPlus™ Tracker entries

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Morning
12  nut(s) almonds	2
1  cup(s) cooked oatmeal	4
1/2 cup(s) 2% reduced fat cottage cheese	2
1  slice(s) bread	2
1/3 Tbsp salted butter	1
Subtotal	11
Midday
3  serving(s) Pizza, one-meat topping, thin crust, restaurant-type	16
Subtotal	16
Evening
1  sandwich(es) 6″ Low Fat Sandwiches with 6g of Fat or Less (9-Grain Wheat Bread) Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki	9
1  serving(s) Sandwich Condiments Sweet Onion Sauce, Fat Free	1
flat bread extra – Quick-added food	1
Subtotal	11
Anytime
woodys – Quick-added food	4
3  serving(s) mini granola bar	6
Subtotal	10
Food PointsPlus values total used	48
Food PointsPlus values remaining	0
Exercise
installing flooring – Activity I created	37
Activity PointsPlus values earned	37

PointsPlus™ Tracker entries

Monday, July 29, 2013

Morning
12  nut(s) almonds	2
1  cup(s) cooked oatmeal	4
1  small fresh apple(s)	0
1  serving(s) oikos fat free Greek yogurt	2
Subtotal	8
Midday
2  cup(s) romaine lettuce	0
1/2 cup(s) green pepper(s)	0
6  item(s) small canned black ripe olive(s)	1
1/8 cup(s) feta cheese	1
1/2 serving(s) Renee’s balsamic dressing	2
3  oz cooked skinless, boneless chicken breast(s)	3
1  serving(s) dark chocolate acai	2
Subtotal	9
Evening
1  medium banana(s)	0
1  cup(s) cooked shrimp	4
3  tsp store bought cocktail sauce	0
2  slice(s) bread	4
2/3 Tbsp salted butter	2
Subtotal	10
Anytime
No entries for this meal time.
Subtotal	0
Food PointsPlus values total used	27
Food PointsPlus values remaining	0
Exercise
No entries for exercise.
Activity PointsPlus values earned