Ooooouch!

As promised, I went back to meetings tonight now that we're settled in Kelowna after a cross country move.  

I'm up another 10 lbs since my last weigh in putting my total gain for the year 39.6 lbs.  Ouch!

I'm also over 200 lbs :(

However!  I went back.  I tracked today and I will track tomorrow.  I swear to god I'm not seeing that stupid number again!!

I slid back into "the mindset" easily today.  I think it helped that I'd planned ahead that today was the day I started back on Weight Watchers.  I measured, I tracked, I ate a healthy lunch even though I was out, I skipped Dairy Queen even when the kids had some.  Pretty good I'd say.  

Big changes

It's been a while since I've blogged. And a long while since I've been on program. 

I lost my job of 4 1/2 years May 16th. Termination without cause.  Although I know there were budget issues, and I was paid top wages for a Nurse in my position, my boss said this was the best way for it to be written for me to get the benefits of "being fired" ( turns out I wasn't the only one let go either).  I got a good severance package and my health benefits were continued through my severance period, so we were able to get our teeth checked, prescriptions renewed etc...

About an hour after I came home the day I was let go, my husband and I had made the decision to move.  We have been thinking about relocating for a couple of years now.  I'd been open with my boss that with Tom being a new paramedic, I was willing to go wherever the job needed him to go.  I was marketable and could get a job anywhere.  For Paramedics in Ontario, it's a hard go, starting out. 

We decided that British Columbia was where we were going to go!  We got our professional licences out west and Tom quickly found a position with an industrial paramedic company that pays quite well (but will take him away for 2-3 weeks at a time up north).  We gave our notice to our landlord (of the house we'd just moved into) booked the movers and set out on our journey June 30th! 

We took 2 weeks to get out west, camping, couch sailing and hoteling it.  We camped in Kelowna for a week before we found a great house to rent (with an awesome landlord who offered the house to us early) and we moved in July 18th!  Still none of our stuff... But it's home.

I was nervous about finding a job here, but my worries were unfounded. 

I went for an interview with one of the local hospitals and came out with a job, and possibly two managers fighting over me. :D

Neither of us are working yet, start dates are pending, Tom has found an interim job with a transfer service here and starts with them tomorrow.  Money is tight, but we're dealing.  We've had some help from our parents which is awesome and we are very grateful for!  It costs to have everything switched over!  Licences, health insurance, car insurance, plates etc...not to mention we have nothing but a frying pan to cook on!

It's been a rough couple of months.  But when my hubby or kids cuddle up next to me and I look out my window at this...

All my stress melts away...

Down the rabbit hole...

Well I went down crazy street and ended up in Emerg for chest pains due to anxiety and am now medicated.  That was 3 weeks ago.  Turns out I can't just cope with everything.  I actually need to deal with my problems!

So I took a hiatus from everything.  Nothing social (except my sisters wedding which I had to do the wedding cake and act normal, with Ativan and a lot of help thankfully!), no gym, no diet, no scale(!!!) nothing.

I'm starting to feel in control of my life somewhat, and I've signed back up for the monthly pass at weight watchers.  I'll be going back tonight.  I stepped on the scale this morning and am up 18 pounds from my goal weight.  I broke down and bought new work pants in a size 14 (I was an 8-10 this time last year).  But I'm ok with that.  I'm still a loser of over 70 pounds.  And this is a process.

I'm really fighting with myself on if I should go gang busters or not with weight loss.  I seem to be an all or nothing kind of gal, and up until now I've not been great at coping, just throw myself into something else that will distract me and helps me avoid my issues.  Or is going headlong into weight loss good for me?  Maybe that IS dealing with my issues?

Mentally I was in a much better place a year ago.  I hit my lowest weight of 162 lbs and felt like I WAS THERE!  Then I had my breast reduction and struggled for the last 12 months.  The last 5 of which I've really not been doing anything to help my weight loss.  Oh, except give myself more to lose!

I decided to go back to meetings because I was looking online for programs to help support me, like Food Addiction community groups, Overeaters Anonymous and so on... then it hit me.  The reason I went to weight watchers in the first place, and wouldn't miss it for anything, was because of the support!  My WW's people GET me!  And are there for me! And admire me! and encourage me!

I'm still on hiatus from the gym.  I'm going to give myself a few weeks back on program to get used to everything again, then we'll see.  In my head, the gym sabotaged my weight loss.  I started gaining when I started working out.  So we'll see where my head is at mid june.

I saw this on Facebook this morning and pretty much sums up my days these past 5 months...

I do so well all day, then the evening munchies hit...

A not quite on plan weekend

Thank goodness for the activity I got!  Because it was a grab-and-go kinda weekend shamefully :(.

I still did have a successful weekend in a few other aspects though, I got the P90x app for my ipad (I'll start AFTER I finish making 13 shawls and a wedding cake for my sisters wedding...  I still need to locate weights... but I'll get it together.  I might do the 30 day shred in the meantime to get started, I never have finished that.

 I got everything put away in the coat closet, kitchen and bathroom, and scrubbed down said rooms, put up my husbands motorcycle shed, got the girls bikes and scooters out and gave them a safe nice sized area on our driveway for riding, cleaned the bike trailer, got the patio equipment out...

I also went to a birthday party and with hubby to pick up his bike from my brother's and had a nice long ride :)

Walking again

I finally walked to work!  It's been probably since November that I've been able to walk to work. Mostly the weather, then the mojo, then illness or injury...  But today, the weather is beautiful, my ankle is behaving and I feel like a million bucks!

It felt great!  I also took advantage of a nice day and went for a walk on my lunch.  I'm still not back to the gym yet, maybe next week.  I'm kind of struggling with something.  I'm having a procedure done on May first that will stop me actively working out for a couple of weeks, do I go to the gym then stop?  Or do I wait until after I'm healed ten go back?  I'm thinking I can probably still walk after surgery, but I can do that outside, i don't need the gym for that...

Part of me is worried that I'll start gaining again...

Last April I waited the month after my breast reduction to start at the gym.  I consistently gained from then until now...  I'm finally losing.  I really don't want to upset my new found mojo.  I'm thinking maybe I'll put my membership on hold through the summer and just exercise outside?  I know I'll need the gym come the fall when the weather gets bad.  I haven't decided yet...

So interesting factoid!

I know I said I wasn't going to compare measurements to my last ones, but I did anyways.

Studies show that stress causes an increase in the hormone Cortisol, which deposits fat around your waist.  Funny thing, my legs, arms and bust are the same measurement they were a year ago when I was at my lowest.  Only my waist, stomach and hips have increased, 8 inches in total!

I didn't put much thought into that, I was under a lot of stress the past few months, but holy cow!  Thank goodness my stress levels have dropped considerably!

One week down.

My first week went well!

I used all of my Activity and Weekly points as we had 3 birthday events and a bridal brunch, but I made good choices.

I'm down 3.1 lbs this week!

I'm quite motivated, and dreaming of my pounds to lose dropping!  Having the ticker on my lock screen of my phone is really helping.  It reminds me often of my success.

Hubby took before pictures for me and did my measurements!  I'm really excited to see them go down again.  I'm not going to compare them from my last ones, I just don't want any increases to derail me.  I know I've gained weight and inches, but that's in the past.  I'm losing now.

My stats. I'll do them again when I hit 170!

Size: 12 or large

Weight: 179.3 lbs

Bust 42
Waist 40.
Belly 44
Bum 44.45
Rt thigh 23.5
Lt thigh 23.25
Rt calf  14
Lt calf 14
Rt arm 13.25
Lt arm 13.5

Here's a side by side of just after I started losing weight.  Man!  I can't feel fat looking at that!

Starting over. For real this time.

So Wordpress didn't work out for me, so here I am back again in my comfy spot!  I uploaded all of my posts from there so you can catch up if you didn't follow me there.

Since I posted on my birthday, I've gained 12 pounds. I have many excuses, but really, does it matter?  It was me that ate, it was me that stopped going to the gym, I have no one to blame but myself.

Ok, no more bad talk.  What's done is done..

Hubby and I have made a lot of changes lately. The biggest one is we are no longer caregivers to my mom (She's well taken care of, don't worry!) and we've moved into our own house!

I'm taking stress a little better than I was (a big motivator to moving).  Not to mention life has calmed down a lot in the past few weeks!

On Monday the 31st, as I'd planned before the move, I started over. I weighed in that morning at 182.4 lbs. a full 20 pounds from my lowest only 11 months ago.  My heart just wasn't in it. Half way through gaining I decided to change my goal weight to what I was at at that point (172.5 lbs) figuring just lifting the stress of losing would change things. It didn't.  I couldn't keep the weight off after reaching lifetime at Weight Watchers and I haven't been back. I reached lifetime almost 4 months ago. 

I feel like a cop out and really not wanting to get to my original goal is just plain laziness!

So with all of these fresh starts in life, I'm starting fresh in weight watchers. I'm going back to active losing and I'm going to aim for my original goal weight.  145 lbs.  so in total I have 37.4 pounds to lose. 

Since Monday I've been on plan and motivated.  As of yesterday I've lost 3.2 pounds!

I made a ticker on lilypie.com and put a screen shot of it on my home screen on my phone. So every time I look at my phone, it reminds me of my progress!

In a couple of weeks I'm going back to weight watchers meetings.  I need the support and my two sisters that I left behind need my support too. 

No more excuses!

As soon as I find my tape measure I'm going to take my beginning measurements and a before photo!