It's been a long time...

I'd love to say that I've been working on losing weight since my last post, but, nope.  Sorry. 

In the past year and a half, maybe two years, I've not been able to get my shit together long enough to make a dent in losing what I've gained.  Actually, I've been pretty consistently gaining over that time.  My highest weight (since losing it all) was a couple of weeks ago, 231 lbs at Weight Watchers.  Which isn't all bad, I've been going to Weight Watchers since May 13th.  I lost 5 lbs the first month, then had family visiting from back home and gained it all back in two weeks, now I'm working on getting that gain off again.  I'm down an overall of 1.6 lbs since my recommit!  Lol!

I have to admit, I wasn't really on track for most of June.  Although having gone to the same meeting throughout, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm a part of a weight loss community again!  Which I can honestly say I haven't felt in over a year. 

Just this past meeting on Saturday, it really felt like I was part of the group.  People remember my name now, I'm starting to get to know a few, the leader is my age, and that helps, and I'm participating.  I finally feel like I might just be able to stay on it this time. 

This particular group meets on Saturday mornings, has a facebook group and really supports each other.  Since moving across country I've not had the support of a group and I think that has been a big part of my gains.  My husband is a great support, but we are also each others enablers.  I need that outside pressure to keep me going.

I'd love to say I'm back on track, and losing again, but of course, I've had so many false starts and have said this to you countless times, lol! 

But...

I'm going to the meetings.

My brain is finally switched back on and when I'm looking for something to eat, on plan foods are my first thought. 

One big reason I think I'll stay on plan this time...

My health.

I have chronic pain, the doctor threw out the term Fibromyalgia, which I hate, but whatever.  My current medication regimen is no longer working or possible.  I refuse to take Narcotics, and theres really not much out there thats covered by my drug plan. 

So.

In researching ways to help my chronic pain I stumbled upon the anti-inflammatory diet.  Pretty much whole foods, avoid processed anything, white flours etc.. Eat healthy, bottom line.  Huh.  Fancy that.

Something switched in my brain.  My diet can help me feel normal.  Deal.

It's too soon to tell, it's only been a week and a half but now that my brain see's processed food as a danger, making healthy choices has been easy. 

I'll keep you posted.

I can't believe I'm doing this... AGAIN!

I've been reluctant to post for the last while, only because I've had so many false starts over the past year.   I'm confident now in posting, because after losing 5.5 pounds in the three weeks before Christmas, giving myself "leeway" over Christmas and New Years and gaining some, I'm definitely back in the game.  Officially back on Weight Watchers now 6 weeks!  I've still not lost all of my Christmas gain, but mid week sneak peak shows me I'm well on my way for a good loss this next coming weigh in on Wednesday.  So here I am, definitely on the path to a smaller me.  Again.

I've had some health challenges, which I'm sure would be eased by weight loss, also are a significant set back as well.  I have Achilles Tendonitis, in both feet, so I can't run, and I can't walk a whole lot, and I also have a Ganglion Cyst in my left wrist, which makes it hard to do a lot of body weight exercises.  I know these sound like excuses, and yes I have definitely used them as such, but I've been losing these past six weeks.  And I've just joined a gym, which has child care at a time that is convenient for me, and a couple of friends who want to kid swap so they can go to the gym as well!

I'm hosting a challenge on the Weight Watchers 100+ pounds to lose board and that is helping keep me accountable, as well as some non-scale goals.

- to not be lazy
       Really, this is a huge one.  When I want to sleep in, get out of bed.  When I want to say no when the kids want to go tobogganing, or want me to play on the floor, do it, when I want to leave (parent accompanied) pre school because my 3.5 year old is independent and I'm bored but she wants to stay, find something to do with her.  Instead of grabbing quick food because I don't want to just cook for myself, cook something healthy, but can make good leftovers.

-Track what I'm eating
      As I said, I'm doing weight watchers.  My goal is to track every day in 2015

-get more exercise
      However I get it.  "Walk away the pounds" videos, yoga, playing with the kids, cleaning, going to the gym, etc...
-meal plan
       For budgetary reasons as well as diet reasons

My highest weight this go-round was 215.2.  I got down to 209.7 right before Christmas and went back up to 213.6 on New Years Eve.  My last weigh in this past Wednesday I was 212.6 and my tracking streak is at 10 days.

I'll post "Pre" pictures in a day or two, we currently don't have a full length mirror and my hubby is away for work.

Precariously back in the swing.

Our furniture finally came last weekend and I've been super busy unpacking and organizing.  On Tuesday I totally forgot it was Tuesday and missed weigh in so went in later and was up 0.8.  I had a few days of total disorganization and takeout as a result, but now the kitchen is organized and I'm back on track.  I've had to make myself sit and eat breakfast, snack and lunch, as I'd been going half the day without food and gorging on take out in the afternoon.

The best part of unpacking, I found my scale!  I've been hovering just above 200 pounds and I'm happy to say I finally fell below!  6.4 lbs left to lose of vacation gain. I'm getting there!

I had to go back to basics on the exercise front.  My body just can't handle the stress of the HIITit Kelowna.  12 minutes or not, my body is just not ready for mountain climbers and burpees.  My bad ankle is needing iced and braced again and the Ganglion cyst on my left wrist is forcing me to rest that too!  I'm sure having an extra 30 lbs on my frame doesn't help either.

I've been doing a few hours of serious work in and out of the house though, enough to really work up a sweat and have a feeling of accomplishment (and sore feet!) at the end of the day.  Walking a couple of times a week when I can, I need to increase that, my poor dog is feeling neglected!

Week one weigh in

I was down 2.1 pounds yesterday!

I used all of my activity points and most of my weeklies, but I was active most of the week and ate as well as I could between indulgences (mainly alcohol and restaurants).

Activity was a big increase this week.  I started walking again, the evenings here are nice and cool since the sun goes behind a mountain quite early, so I've been walking, gardening in the overgrown yard, painting the playroom and a work out I've started that is run by two Nurses here in Kelowna.  It's called HIIT it Kelowna and it's a 12 minute workout challenge that you do for 30 days.

 It's tough, I'm quite out of shape right now, and I have a ganglion on my wrist (a stupid cyst on my wrist that doesn't bug me as long as I don't put pressure on it) that is getting in the way of a few exercises, push ups, mountain climbers etc..  So I've had to modify those. But I'm doing it.  By the end of the 30 days it should get easier.  And really, if it were easy, they wouldn't call it high intensity, so I knew what I was signing up for.

A couple of updates in the PhoenixBlaise life...

Hubby is working and just got his Alberta Paramedic licence!  He'll be working away from home through the fall and winter, which sucks, but the money is good and will help us get ahead.

I spoke with the manager I'd interview with and I definitely have a job in Vernon Hospital!  It'll be Casual which is awesome because I can plan around life, the kids and Hubby's schedule.  I have two weeks left of vacation before I start :D I'm nervous and excited.  I haven't worked in a hospital setting in 6 years and haven't been in a ward setting in 8!  But it'll be good to get my Nursing skills back. Nurses in medical units are under-appreciated, it's a tough job and you need to really know your stuff.  I can't wait to get back into it!

I just got a call (really, while I was writing this post!) and our furniture should be coming tonight or tomorrow!  It's been almost six weeks since I've seen my couch...

Ooooouch!

As promised, I went back to meetings tonight now that we're settled in Kelowna after a cross country move.  

I'm up another 10 lbs since my last weigh in putting my total gain for the year 39.6 lbs.  Ouch!

I'm also over 200 lbs :(

However!  I went back.  I tracked today and I will track tomorrow.  I swear to god I'm not seeing that stupid number again!!

I slid back into "the mindset" easily today.  I think it helped that I'd planned ahead that today was the day I started back on Weight Watchers.  I measured, I tracked, I ate a healthy lunch even though I was out, I skipped Dairy Queen even when the kids had some.  Pretty good I'd say.  

Big changes

It's been a while since I've blogged. And a long while since I've been on program. 

I lost my job of 4 1/2 years May 16th. Termination without cause.  Although I know there were budget issues, and I was paid top wages for a Nurse in my position, my boss said this was the best way for it to be written for me to get the benefits of "being fired" ( turns out I wasn't the only one let go either).  I got a good severance package and my health benefits were continued through my severance period, so we were able to get our teeth checked, prescriptions renewed etc...

About an hour after I came home the day I was let go, my husband and I had made the decision to move.  We have been thinking about relocating for a couple of years now.  I'd been open with my boss that with Tom being a new paramedic, I was willing to go wherever the job needed him to go.  I was marketable and could get a job anywhere.  For Paramedics in Ontario, it's a hard go, starting out. 

We decided that British Columbia was where we were going to go!  We got our professional licences out west and Tom quickly found a position with an industrial paramedic company that pays quite well (but will take him away for 2-3 weeks at a time up north).  We gave our notice to our landlord (of the house we'd just moved into) booked the movers and set out on our journey June 30th! 

We took 2 weeks to get out west, camping, couch sailing and hoteling it.  We camped in Kelowna for a week before we found a great house to rent (with an awesome landlord who offered the house to us early) and we moved in July 18th!  Still none of our stuff... But it's home.

I was nervous about finding a job here, but my worries were unfounded. 

I went for an interview with one of the local hospitals and came out with a job, and possibly two managers fighting over me. :D

Neither of us are working yet, start dates are pending, Tom has found an interim job with a transfer service here and starts with them tomorrow.  Money is tight, but we're dealing.  We've had some help from our parents which is awesome and we are very grateful for!  It costs to have everything switched over!  Licences, health insurance, car insurance, plates etc...not to mention we have nothing but a frying pan to cook on!

It's been a rough couple of months.  But when my hubby or kids cuddle up next to me and I look out my window at this...

All my stress melts away...

Down the rabbit hole...

Well I went down crazy street and ended up in Emerg for chest pains due to anxiety and am now medicated.  That was 3 weeks ago.  Turns out I can't just cope with everything.  I actually need to deal with my problems!

So I took a hiatus from everything.  Nothing social (except my sisters wedding which I had to do the wedding cake and act normal, with Ativan and a lot of help thankfully!), no gym, no diet, no scale(!!!) nothing.

I'm starting to feel in control of my life somewhat, and I've signed back up for the monthly pass at weight watchers.  I'll be going back tonight.  I stepped on the scale this morning and am up 18 pounds from my goal weight.  I broke down and bought new work pants in a size 14 (I was an 8-10 this time last year).  But I'm ok with that.  I'm still a loser of over 70 pounds.  And this is a process.

I'm really fighting with myself on if I should go gang busters or not with weight loss.  I seem to be an all or nothing kind of gal, and up until now I've not been great at coping, just throw myself into something else that will distract me and helps me avoid my issues.  Or is going headlong into weight loss good for me?  Maybe that IS dealing with my issues?

Mentally I was in a much better place a year ago.  I hit my lowest weight of 162 lbs and felt like I WAS THERE!  Then I had my breast reduction and struggled for the last 12 months.  The last 5 of which I've really not been doing anything to help my weight loss.  Oh, except give myself more to lose!

I decided to go back to meetings because I was looking online for programs to help support me, like Food Addiction community groups, Overeaters Anonymous and so on... then it hit me.  The reason I went to weight watchers in the first place, and wouldn't miss it for anything, was because of the support!  My WW's people GET me!  And are there for me! And admire me! and encourage me!

I'm still on hiatus from the gym.  I'm going to give myself a few weeks back on program to get used to everything again, then we'll see.  In my head, the gym sabotaged my weight loss.  I started gaining when I started working out.  So we'll see where my head is at mid june.

I saw this on Facebook this morning and pretty much sums up my days these past 5 months...

I do so well all day, then the evening munchies hit...