next year...

At 277lbs, combating chronic pain, high heart rate issues, asthma and fibromyalgia, my body isn't interested in doing much. I've been at my sisters for a few days, and can't get down on the floor to paint, can't climb the stairs more than once or twice to help her move, can't lift, can't move, can't breathe. My mantra has been, "next year will be different." and hopefully I'll be on the other side of gastric surgery, and it will be different.

I wish I could be that mum that jumps in the water with her kids. The wife that doesn't need help do do simple things. The sister that can run all over doing whatever is needed during a move. I hate who I have become. 

Thankfully, I should be hearing from the clinic soon and should have the process started. 

Bariatric Consult

Well, 7 years after hitting my goal, I'm now 12 pounds over my original starting weight. I'm now sitting at 264 lbs. With a BMI of 45. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a couple of years ago after symptoms started after my breast reduction in 2014 and subsequent car accident that Christmas. Since then, I haven't been able to exercise the way I did, depression and anxiety took a hard hold on me, and every year, 10-15 pounds piled back on. I have started many weight loss programs over the last few years, with numerous attempts at weight watchers, but it just didn't click anymore. I'm older, just turned 41, and those pesky things that I "don't really need to worry about that yet" have turned into medications and monitoring. I started Crestor for cholesterol a few months ago, mostly because of a strong family history of heart disease and stroke. Today I was started on Ramipril as my borderline blood pressure has skyrocketed to worry some.

This wasn't meant to be a sad post. I wanted to update any followers on where I am, and to start chronicalizing my next steps. Today, I was referred to the Guelph Centre for Bariatric Excellence for bariatric surgery. In Ontario, we are lucky to have a fully funded obesity network where people who meet certain criteria can have surgery, with a thorough and lengthly pre and post surgery multidisciplinary program.

I had spoken to my family doctor about 6 months ago about surgery briefly and he suggested we wait on it. Today I went in with my BP high and spoke with him again about it and he agreed it was worth a referral and he would support me however he was needed. One thing to mention about my family doctor, he has watched and managed my mom through 25 years of decline due to heart and blood vessel disease. And has seen these same things starting in me. The only difference between my mum and I, I have 100 pounds on my mum. And I have the luxury of time and hindsight. I don't need to follow in her footsteps. 

7 weeks in

I've been on this latest weight loss streak for 7 weeks now!  I think that's a record!

I'm down 8.5 lbs, averaging 1.2 lbs a week. I've not been good the whole time, but I have stuck to Weight Watchers meetings, only missing it on the weeks I have to work Wednesdays.

At first I changed a few habits.

I changed my 2 pints of cider a day habit to gin and slimline tonic, with lots of lime juice (real lime, not lime cordial), then finding I like just plain tonic with lime and I don't even really miss the gin!

Cut way down on bedtime snacking, and making more of an effort to eat breakfast.

I also started weighing myself daily at home again.  Now I know that's not recommended, but when I lost 89 lbs back in 2012-2013, I weighed myself each and every day, so if it didn't derail me then, it won't now!

And I started paying attention to the pedometer on my phone, lol! Hopefully I can get a fitbit or something, but for now, I can't really afford it. But really, what will it do for me. Nothing at this point. I'll probably forego one entirely and spend the money on weights, my true fitness love is Weightlifting!

I've started in the last 2-3 weeks paying more attention to the food I buy, more fruit and veg, more from scratch meals, planning ahead etc..

Now as a side effect of these changes, my husband hasn't had his drinking and snacking buddy, so he's drinking and snacking less, and he and the kids are snacking on fruit and veg more, since it's there and handy, so of course he's lost close to 20 lbs!

Flex

Weight Watchers Flex is the easiest plan yet.

They have totally revamped the plan and have given us a list of 0 point foods. Making it easier to make healthy choices.

The list includes;

• Most vegetables  
• Most fruit
• Eggs
• Skinless chicken and turkey breast
• Plant-based proteins like beans, peas, tofu, lentils and corn
• Fat-free plain yogurt
• All unsmoked fish and shellfish

Of course, if you add anything or cook in anything with a points value, that must be tracked and counted.

They still give you daily points allowance, but you no longer have to reach it, the points are designed to supplement, while you fill up from the zero points list.

For me who has struggled with the brain power for tracking, this makes it easy. I still struggle, but I'm taking it one day at a time, and this journey is ongoing. As long as my weight is trending down over time, I'm happy.

Went to a meeting

I went to a Weight Watchers meeting on my way home from walking the girls to school this morning.  I've been sick for a few weeks with Asthma and Pneumonia, and the walk there is pretty much all up hill, especially for this morbidly obese person on any normal day. But with the help of my ventolin, I managed it just fine. Then remembering it was Wednesday and meeting started at 9, I walked there instead of home!

Having obviously not been paying any attention to what I'm eating the past couple of months since my last restart, I was up . Weighing in at 18 stone 1.5 lbs. Or 253.4 lbs. Up 2.2 lbs from when I last attended in January. Could have been a lot worse...

It was a good meeting, Sharnie my leader is very motivating and a couple of her helpers in the group met some big milestones, pointing out they've lost quite a bit since Sharnie took over the meetings in January. I think if I can keep myself going to the meetings, I'll do well.  It has sucked not having my sisters at the meetings to push me to keep going, hopefully I'll meet some friends that will keep me accountable.

I'll be updating my blog a bit, mostly the weight record, re-setting goals and new before photos. 

I've come back to this blog as I spent so many hours on here, organizing, writing lists, tracking my weight loss, and succeeding at losing weight. I've started numerous blogs over the last few years hoping to get back to it, but just haven't. My motivation left me years ago.


This is me. Was me. Can be me. 

When I was "feeling" my best. I want to be like this again. Minus the internal outrage, depression, chaos, body dysmorphism, struggle, sadness. I read back in the weeks before this and I can really see a trend, Thank God I'm not there anymore!

I felt fat. I was in a size 8-10, but all I saw was my gross fat belly. The biggest part of me. 

Now I'm almost 40, morbidly obese with chronic pain and what I'm told is"Fibromyalgia", always thinking about my weight, always planning, starting programs, never staying with them.  With 40 only 9 months away, I do not want to be like this anymore!

I can't really exercise because of pain, or I can, but then I can't do anything for days or weeks because I've sent myself into a fibro-relapse, and can't work.  I love my work, I can't not work for obvious reasons, but I need to lose weight.  

I've gone back to weight watchers numerous times, foolishly signed myself up for a 5 day a week bootcamp, that sent me into said relapse, I tried looking into weight loss surgery, but it's too expensive to pay for myself, and I don't qualify as I DON'T HAVE DIABETES YET. Yes, I was told that. 

My family doctor has said she will support me however she can, doing a medically supervised diet, with walking, yoga or swimming as tolerated, plus having access to her nurses whenever I need them. I haven't taken her up on that offer yet, not sure why, but this should be my next starting point.

For now, I'm just going to try to make a decision about everything I eat, instead of just eating.  And maybe drinking more than just coffee... Hey Eva!  Have you heard that you can get water pumped right into your kitchen?! 

37 years young.

I've been paying better attention to what goes into my mouth the past 3 weeks.  I'm down 2.9 lbs so far this month.  Which I'm glad I got a head start on, being this past week we celebrated mine and my daughters birthdays!  I've never stayed on plan for birthdays through my first loss, and I didn't this week either.  Birthdays are meant to be celebrated.  And for us, that includes food!  So I'm not counting on a loss this week, but that's ok.

DH signed up for a gym membership this week, now that we know he's coming home for good in February!  He was able to get a posting an hours drive away instead of  way up north!  We went to the gym together on Friday and have another gym date planned for tomorrow!  He's a great motivator for me, and pushes me hard at the gym.  I love it!  He has decided he wants to tone up and thin out!  Although I love him anyway he comes, it'd be nice to have a washboard to do my delicates on. *wink*